At A Low

With being sick it makes it harder to want to wake up in the morning. I'm drained. I eat & I feel worse. The pains in my body don't stop. It take medicine that my doctor says will fix this, take this other one to take care of that & for reason I put my trust into these people but it only helps for the moment. I try to maintain focus, I try to keep myself busy, I do all that I can. & when it finally is time to have a relaxing day, do something I love doing, my body is completely shut down.

Now I know the line, "you only live once", but I am completely unmotivated & my body is beat up from everything. Its hard to actually get up & do, when all its calling for is rest. I'm young, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it happens. I'm trying to keep my head, but not even just my health, but emotionally, its all taken a toll on me.

I've considered throwing in the towel. Giving up completely. I've let go of things, of people, just so I don't drag anything or anyone through the dirt with me. I am used to being strong, the one smiling, but I can't help but be at a complete end with everything.

For all the days I don't want to get out of bed & follow the same routine, I am grateful that I have one. & although I am tired of my day to day, I still need to find time for educating myself. Then I need time for myself, for those around me, for my hobbies. So many things I've put aside because I overall just can't.

To top it all off, because of all of this, I barely can eat. I make myself eat. -sigh-