Yesterday's Belt.

Love my mint/olive green thrift belt. The buckle made me love it! Another purchase I love for under $3.

GREAT NEWS!

Lately things have been extremely busy. I’ve been trying to find more ways of occupying my time. I’m looking into expanding my hobbies & taking extra classes.

Anyways,

The reason for this post is the TITLE! I have GREAT NEWS! :) It’s been hard to stay happy lately, I’ve been very stressed & down in the dumps. Between my health, life & other things, it has definitely been taking a toll on me. So, when I got the news that I did, I couldn’t reject the offer. It worked out well because I have a doctors appointment that same day.

A very good friend of mine has one of the most important days of her life coming up. She has been handling so much, going through so much & when she asked me to attend her graduation I couldn’t say no. I e-mailed for the day off for my doctors & made sure my appointment would be in the morning so I am out of there on time to make it to her special day. It was so important to her that I even requested for the day with no pay & made sure that I would be there.

I can’t even explain my excitement, how honored I feel. I get the chills thinking about it. Steff, I am ready to see you in your cap & gown. I am ready to see all the years that you’ve invested into college be worth it when you receive your diploma. I have to say this just makes me feel that much closer to you by you even thinking of having me there. I am ready to see you smile, to see you cry & to see you at your most joyous state. Although I am attending an appointment earlier, trust me I am going to smile no matter what news I am given. That day is your day, you are the only person that matters today & I will be apart of it.

To my readers/followers – I think that news is fantastic! I can’t even explain how it makes me feel to know I was asked to be apart of a day that is going to be forever remembered by her.

Now to search my clothes to find a nice dress to wear. :) Any suggestions?

Off to the event that I'm working.

"Boom I Got Your Boyfriend I Got Your Man!"

Up at 6am on a Saturday when I don't even have to be up this early. I'm not sure if it was a dream that I had, which I wish I remembered, or if it's because my body is used to be up this early. What kills me is that during the week I barely want to get up, but on a weekend I am wide awake. Well I just want to tell my body that it's fucking with me & I am going to make myself sleep more even if it doesn't want to!

I figured since I've been write posts about how I've been feeling, this is another addition to that. Like seriously posting at 6am just because I woke up & can't sleep.

As for the title, an infomercial came on about girls exercising, BuyTurboFire.Com to be exact. & that was the song women were busting their butts too. Motivational, but really don't care much this early in the morning. I swear infomercials are on for drunk people just coming in so they can be stupid & charge their card.

Anyways,
TOP OF THE MORNING TO YAH!

Once Again. . .

Another sleepless night. Woke up dragging myself out of bed, but got up for my day. I'm in pain, my eyes are in fire, I rather be in a bed curled up. I know this is all a process. I know that everyone handles it differently. But I feel how I'm handling things is my approach for now. Despite everything & how low I've been feeling, I just want the best for everyone else.

Well good morning all. I have other posts that I will get up by later I hope. I've been keeping it simple & being keep to myself.

Another Sleepless Night.

It's been happening for a while now, but it's gotten worse. I guess with everything I'm dealing with & what's on my mind, it only makes it harder. I've tried sleeping pills, I've tried teas, I've even tried relaxing my body - it's not helping. I wake up in sweats, I wake up in the middle of the night crying. The nightmares that I've been having don't do me any justice either.

I already know I won't want to eat anything again. A week of not wanting to eat much of anything. I force myself to eat only so I have something in my system.

I'm trying to figure out a way. I didn't go to work yesterday because I was completely drained, had a break down & my doctor, oh my doctor! -sigh-

I didn't want to wake up this morning, but I once again dragged myself out of bed to get up & be responsible. I had the choice not to wake up today, but I chose to. Too much is on my mind, I"m too hurt, in too much pain - maybe being active will help just a bit.

I really hope something changes.

What makes me beautiful?

So Nelly (click name for blog), is having a contest & I decided to try & go for it. I wrote to her question "What makes you beautiful?" - Everyone sees beauty differently. I guess what makes me beautiful is how much I care for others, how giving I am, & how much I open my heart. I'm willing to give more than I can to those around me, even if it means I end up in last place.


I may not win, but I still feel strongly about my answer.

Drained.

My body has collapsed. I barely slept through the night, pains in my stomach, hovering my toilet. I try to sugar coat it, but that is what happened. I have red in my flem, I haven't ate dinner for a week now. I took the day off to try & relax, but lacking sleep, my eyes are burning & I'm thrown. My eyes are burning, my stomach is hurting. I tried eating breakfast, but one spoonful of oatmeal is all I can have. Now I'm waiting for a doctor to call me back so I can try to get some blood work done. The never ending cycle.

Good morning! I've been up way before the sun. I hope everyone's day goes well.

Monday's Outfit.

A floral dress, a nice sweater & my moccasins. Simple & comfy.

At A Low

With being sick it makes it harder to want to wake up in the morning. I'm drained. I eat & I feel worse. The pains in my body don't stop. It take medicine that my doctor says will fix this, take this other one to take care of that & for reason I put my trust into these people but it only helps for the moment. I try to maintain focus, I try to keep myself busy, I do all that I can. & when it finally is time to have a relaxing day, do something I love doing, my body is completely shut down.

Now I know the line, "you only live once", but I am completely unmotivated & my body is beat up from everything. Its hard to actually get up & do, when all its calling for is rest. I'm young, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it happens. I'm trying to keep my head, but not even just my health, but emotionally, its all taken a toll on me.

I've considered throwing in the towel. Giving up completely. I've let go of things, of people, just so I don't drag anything or anyone through the dirt with me. I am used to being strong, the one smiling, but I can't help but be at a complete end with everything.

For all the days I don't want to get out of bed & follow the same routine, I am grateful that I have one. & although I am tired of my day to day, I still need to find time for educating myself. Then I need time for myself, for those around me, for my hobbies. So many things I've put aside because I overall just can't.

To top it all off, because of all of this, I barely can eat. I make myself eat. -sigh-

Outfit Of The Day.

The skirt that I purchased from the thrift was on my mind. I threw it on with some black stockings, gold flats & the olive green shirt. I was comfortable & it was a nice little mix. Hey! I'm not a fashion stylist, but I throw things on that I like.

Confession:

At one point in my life I was addicted to pain killers. I couldn't stop taking them, it helped relieve every feeling I felt. I love pain killers: ibprofen 800mgs, vikes, vikes mixed in my weed especially. On some crazy next level high/relaxation. It eased my mind, it eased my pain, it helped my body forget the pain for those minutes, hours. It got to a point that I could take two 800mgs with a beer, go out and get shit faced.

I stopped smoking after a while, I stopped taking the medicine/pills. I would let my body suffer, try to handle all the pain I had to go through, even crawl to a bathroom. Anything to not have to take medicine. I couldn't take the pain anymore, so I'd find alternative pills to take. I ended up going back to 800mgs because those were the ones that helped that pain disappear a bit better then Midol, Tylenol, Excedrins. BUT I refuse to ever turn back to taking pain relievers to help me mellow out my pain, mind and hurt.

My Thrift Sweater.

I got asked to take a picture of the sweater I was wearing.
The sweater is from this blog post on thrift shopping. Definitely a great buy for $5.00 & kept me warm all day. It goes to my knees & wraps me up.

The only thing comforting me right now.

Unknown #2

She can love me one minute, hate me the next.

She can want me around, then just toss me away.

She has this control that I let her have.

I don’t want to fight, because arguments tear us.

I don’t want to disrespect her decision either.

I don’t want to sit here & let her go so easy.

She does it all on her own, I can’t change her.

She does what she wants, she’s become a stranger.

She has no idea who I am anymore, or what I can do.

I have no idea of what she is capable of, it’s all through.

I can’t explain the pain I feel, it tears me up inside.

I don’t understand her reasoning, even though I try.

I’m scarred, I’m burned, I’m ripped into pieces.

I’m no where near fixing, not anytime soon.

Unknown #1

It upsets me;

Turns my stomachs, eats at my nerves, grasps my chest.

This roller coaster ride that I continue riding.

My emotions at a high, then being throw down to a low.

The loops, twirls and whirls.

It aches, I can no longer take it.

Being tossed one way, pulled another.

The velocity of these minutes, the speed at which it’s going.

You had that control. You were the operator.

Raining Morning.

A day to just wear an oversized sweater & leggings with my Uggs.

IBS Awareness Month Vid.

IBS Awareness Month from Ahlexandria on Vimeo.

I know this is a random video. I know I'm just jibbering off about IBS & how it effects me. I hope people take the time to learn & understand the actual causes of IBS.

AboutIbs.Org

Another Addition To My Obsession! :)

Exhausted!

I just got in. I want to rest.

& typing this I HEAR THUNDER! :'(

I Am One In A Kind.

I am not the prettiest girl in the world.
I'm not everyone's first choice.
I'm not like many others.
I rather be different.

I am not the smartest chick out there.
I'm not perfect in any way.
I'm not her, or even her.
I am just myself.

I am one in a kind.

There are girls that think that being with a female is a lot easier than being with a male. So they'll go & become curious to figure out what it is they want since being with a guy was so heart breaking.

In my opinion being with either or is just the same. The only difference between the two is what is in between their legs. Woman or man can both hurt you, break your heart, be violent towards you, shatter your entire being (if you let them). Just because you are tired of dating a guy doesn't mean the right guy isn't out there for you. Don't go messing with a female (especially those that actually love females), leading their emotions on for something that you are unsure of actually wanting.

Thrift Shopping.

If you haven't seen my previous posts on thrifting you should check them out: post 1, post 2. I finally decided to go crazy again, since I've been itching, & go to the thrift shop near my house once it opened. Sometimes I get lucky, sometimes I don't. Today though I spent $112 on myself, my mother & two friends of mine. I must say, money well spent & I ended up getting a ton of things.

There is only one picture that I didn't get & that was of the suit I got my mother. She wears suits for work & I found one that was half off from $21 to $10.50. I was a happy camper, but not as happy as her when she saw it. She was thrilled, when I mean thrilled I mean "OMG! Vic (her fiance), this is the same brand that we saw at the mall in Florida & it was going for $200+!" Yeah, I'd be happy too if my daughter got me a beautiful suit for $10.50 that is priced for over $200 in stores.

My other purchases were all for me, my favorites I will note. I went all out, & although some weren't exactly HALF off like I intended on just buying, they were still great finds. :)

One of these books are for my friend Maria. Also with the exception of two books the rest were half off. I really couldn't go wrong buying tons of books for $10.

All the belts were half off. :) I figured it would be a nice touch to an outfit if I decided to dress up in some kind of way. Since I'm completely fashionless, I would at least try.

The Hush Puppies in the bottom left are for my friend Maria. She's spoiled to death, but she is also one of my closest friends for almost a decade. Her birthday is coming up & even if it's used, she loves the little things. The top right are BCBG wedges & when I saw them & realized I was only paying $10 for them, I wasn't complaining at all. My favorite shoe purchase are the Aldo oxfords.

Aren't they just the cutest damn pair of shoes ever?! I've been looking for oxfords that I would really like & for half off, only paying $14.50, I said "Screw it! You're coming home with me." (Yes I talk to objects that I know don't even speak back).

Skirts! It's that time of season to collect more skirts. The khaki skirt is for my friend KD. I'm trying to get her into wearing some skirts, but she approved of them. The black & white skirt wasn't half off, but it was a nice price for Forever 21. & the olive green - brown buttoned skirt is past the knees, has pockets & goes nice with a pair of brown sandals/heels I purchased within this month. :)

Once again another item for KD. She liked the army fatigue shorts, let's just hope they fit her. & the knee length shorts are for the summer. I hope I can pair them nicely with some flats and a shirt.

$1.50 cargo (on the right) just for toss on & go. & some slacks that I paid $2.

Brand new forever 21 shirt that I got for $7 instead of the $12.80 it says on the tag. A jean faded button down shirt that was half off & a colorful plaid shirt that I can toss on, also half off.

This oversized sweater has to be my FAVORITE FIND! I've been in search of one, but I've been seeing prices anywhere from $25 & up. Also they aren't woven like this & as thick as this. For $5 I couldn't go wrong at all. I mean, it would have been nice if the orange tag was half off, but I settled for $5. Also my new purple bag - half off $2.50.

Like I've stated previously, I am not a fashionista. But when I do find some amazing deals, I would love to share it with others. Hopefully this gives people more of an incentive to go out & check some thrift shops. You never know what you can find & how much you can save. Although I spent $112, I got a ton of things for the price. Not everything was half off, but coming home looking like Santa Claus was well worth it.

Happy Shopping!

- Ahlexandria

Windy Fro + 9's.

Windy Fro + 9's. a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

Sunday April 3rd, 2011

HK Undies

HK Undies a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

Oh the obsession. :)

DO NOT

& when I mean DO NOT, I SERIOUSLY MEAN DO NOT ; treat me like some chick you just met knowing damn well you've known me for longer then that. Do not sit there & think that it's ok to talk down to me all because you are doing better for yourself, or then a lot of people. Do not try coming at me sideways yet you claim to love me. Do not disrespect me, verbally abuse me, because trust me I will tell you that you're doing it. Do not expect me to keep my mouth shut after tolerating all the bull shit for so long.



JUST DO NOT DO STUPID SHIT & WE WON'T FIGHT!

Coney Island Laughs.

Coney Island Laughs. a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

Sunday April 3rd, 2011.

Coney Island Curly Fro.

Coney Island Curly Fro. a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

Sunday April 3rd, 2011.

That Random Boo-Ish!

That Random Boo-Ish! from Ahlexandria on Vimeo

IBS Fact #2

"Irritable bowel syndrome is sometimes called spastic colon, mucous colitis, spastic colitis, nervous stomach, or irritable colon." (source www.aboutibs.org)

Angry Girl.

Angry Girl. a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

Far from angry though.
Saturday March 19th, 2011.

Times Square Wide Angled

Times Square Wide Angled a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

Saturday March 19th, 2011.

IBS Fact #1

"Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) affects about 1 out of 10 people or more.* IBS is one of the most common disorders seen by doctors. There's no single treatment or cure. There are ways to manage IBS so that you feel better. " (source www.aboutibs.org)


Depending on the severity of IBS it takes a bigger effect on others. I have severe IBS & it's hard to deal with the pain, the infrequent bowel movement and maintaining certain eating habits. I eat healthy for the most part, I love vegetables, salads & things with less grease. But that only refrains my body from retaining heavy toxins. With having IBS & other conditions I do have, day to day the way I feel changes.

Good morning!