June.

It's the second of the month & I have already posted as if we were one week into June. It's clear that coming home from my wonderful vacation a lot of things have happened. I wish I could specifically state it's one person, but there are a few people that have let me down. There have been a lot of misunderstandings, a lot of hurt, constant damage being done. It's hard to sit here & say "Well my ex is a complete jerk" when she isn't the only one who is making things difficult. My feelings are completely all over the place & there are times that I blame myself too.

I'm trying to be who I once was, but with the experiences that I have under my belt to build me. In reality, who I once was will never be again because once you have experienced so much you become a new person. Learning is consistent in all our day to day lives. Every time we have to deal with something, even if it's work related, school related, friend/relationships, we always seem to realize something new from it all. I have taken this point & embraced the fact that nothing remains the same, but you learn something new every day.

I like to write with no names because I don't want to pin point who. Blogging allows others to read what you feel, what you want to share & nothing in it says that I have to be completely direct with who is involved. I feel by sharing what is going on should be a lot to relate to already no matter who the person actually is. If someone was to ask because they are curious then I would feel free to share that with them. For the most part, I believe, all that I am saying is still a post that others can relate to, or get into my mind.

Right now, I am just really on the fence of caring & not giving a flying fuck! Some things I care about, some things I could just give a damn. Not everyone is worth my time, my emotions or even worth raising my blood pressure for. My health is a concern of mine, being mad over things that I can't control has been hard, but I keep reminding myself "There was nothing that could have been done." When someone else makes a decision & when I try reaching out to fix things, or even reach out to just let them know I miss them, I care, I can't do anything more when they turn their back. It bothers me, but why should I give a part of me to myself to someone who can't appreciate it?!

I am considering rereading this book that I know would help me proceed with not caring about the small things. I need it, but yet I want to start reading a new book to help me with other aspects of life. Self help books have become a big purchase for me. I have been trying every two weeks, or at least once a month to get books that I have seen look interesting. I'm going to build my collection & better myself little by little. Nothing can be fixed over night, & if it does how good of a job was actually done?

So with this long winded blog I will leave it off at:
I hope you all have a beautiful day. Maybe I will have more to say in 30 minutes from now, or maybe not until tomorrow morning. BUT until then, thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for continuing to follow me & be apart of what my mind & heart wants to share.

& to the person that I am thinking of, that I hope is thinking of me, know that I miss you.

- Ahlexandria