Tuesday, May 17, 2011

TT.

Train-Truck accident today on the my train line. It was a nice way to start off the morning with cancelled trains, rushing there to begin with, exhausted for not sleeping.

I wrote this last night:

When you can’t sleep because you think reality is better than the nightmares that have been haunting you. You rather stay awake then to close your eyes where hurt is on repeat. You cry because no one ever sees what they do, how they can hurt you even when they feel it’s all innocent. The moment you’re hiding under your covers realizing that people’s words mean nothing because they can turn around & prove to you why they aren’t worth anything.

Where your heart feelings 10lbs heavier because you never expected it. Where you point to yourself and the only person you’re disappointed in is you.

I was having a weak moment. I was letting a lot of things & people get the best of me. It happens a lot when you have expectations, when you put yourself out there, when you just care in general. I keep asking myself “Why do I let this happen to me?” I can’t shut people out, I can’t shut how I feel out. I go on what I feel, I share how I feel – for some reason it always has a way of biting me in the ass.

-Sigh-

3 comments:

  1. Sometimes caring becomes your a perfect flaw. People realize this and they gnaw at you, just like that. Sometimes we put ourselves out there hoping others can relate to us, when in true fact they just make mockery....like you say, I can't shut people out-me neither. I let everyone and anything in...somewhat like emotional baggage. My close friends know my life story better than I do- that's how bad it's gotten.

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  2. there's always going to be the chance of things coming to bite you in the ass but the willingness to not change and continue to care and share is what makes you, you. it's a beautiful trait.

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  3. Juanita, you're absolutely right. People take advantage of your kindness because it's out there. As much of a good quality as it is, others can consider it your weakness.

    Ash, I can only be myself and no one else. If I want to change it's because I want to become a better me.

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