Cold Showers & Rainy Mornings.

Waking up this morning my spirit was already let down. Being vulnerable is the last thing I want. I’ve been having expectations that I know I shouldn’t. I’m unsure if how I’m feeling is because; I am letting my health get the best of me, or I just don’t trust people’s motives. This seems completely all over the place, because it is. My feelings are completely all over the place.

I read something this morning that someone wrote. Slowly getting to know this person & seeing what they had to say, it made me think & get to know another part of their mind. I realized a lot when it comes to being away from my ex. Despite what we have gone through, I still love her. My love may not be the same as it once was, I may no longer be in love with her, but because of our experiences together I will always love her. She has helped me learn a lot about myself, a lot about what relationships should & shouldn’t be like. At one point I only saw myself with her & every thing that has happened has torn me apart. I only want the best for her now & in the long run. I have grown to realize that I don’t need anyone to make me happy & I was to dependent on her + what she provided to feel good about myself.

Also, I noticed that I over think a lot of things. Instead of enjoying the moments & what I have, I begin to think deeper into things. I think someone is always after someone else. If someone sees you begin to live without them, they want to bring you down. If someone doesn’t like what they see, they have a lot to say about it. I know I’m capable of making others happy whether it’s my friendships or any other relationship I gain. For others to turn that around & try bringing you down, questioning what you have with others, it does get a bit annoying. When speaking to someone on this, the conversation got hasty & uneasy (texts can be so easily misinterpreted). In the end they proved a point: No one needs to know all about your business or life unless it’s already made clear. When people question you without stating who they are, they are of no importance. & even so if someone who doesn’t even know you & is trying to be all in your personal life, they do not deserve an explanation.

All my thoughts this morning are scrambled. I just know there are ways that I feel that I won’t completely understand. There are times that I will be so hurt but I can’t dwell on it for too long. My business is my business & who I share it with is the only person to know unless we feel the need to say otherwise. People who show interest in your life but in an abrasive matter & only care to know certain things, they don’t need an answer.

Hopefully after I get my mind together, after a few apologies, things will turn around a little bit. That’s the least I can do is say sorry for letting how I feel, what I go through & why I’ve gone through get the best of me. No one should deal with that wrath at all.

You can’t move on without letting go of certain things, certain feelings that won’t make matters better.

Hope everyone has a beautiful day.
- Ahlexandria