& Over The Course of a Few Weeks....

The panoramic photo I took of NYC.

A lot ends up happening. Between learning a lot of new things, finding out new things & just living life things just occur. With the this little "hiatus" I guess I've taken, more so because I didn't know what to write, it's crazy what comes along. My lack of writing has shown me so much more.

• Clearly my career as a professional blogger doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Maybe it's due to not being inspired, not knowing what to write, or unsure of how to say things. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone because they believe my words are directed towards them with my generalization. Then I realized I can't stop writing how I do or what I write because I care too much about what someone else thinks. That's my problem, I tend to care too much.
• It's not a lie when you're told your parents know you best. My mother & father know me in & out, they know how temperamental I am, my highs & lows. The thing that I appreciate the most is that despite it all they love me. My parents will tell me how it is, where I went wrong, where things are going. They provide me with blunt advice on how life is & how I could handle it. Even if I didn't go about it the right way they will help me see all sides of the fence. My father recently said "Life brings you things that you just have to take it & run with it. People shouldn't run away from the problems they will always linger. Those who can not confront it are scared of the outcome. Be yourself, you will get far by just being you because you are amazing even if you're flawed." Now my mom is not as calm as my dad. My dad has a subtle approach to things but has no problem putting a fist through someone's face. My mom on the other hand has this "Fuck you if you fuck me over & you'll know I'm not about this shit" approach. I guess it's a mother's instinct to protect their children, but even if so she just says: "No one likes to hear negative about themselves, I know I hate it. If you have to lash out there must be some underlying reason for it. If people would listen the first time around they wouldn't be so offended when it was repeated." The joy of parents, the way I love them, the support they've provided me through recent times.
• As it comes to it people change, relationships change, things are not the same. I recently found out that Steff is looking to move out. Even if she wants to deny it or say "At the moment I am not going anywhere" or "It is not your concern, I owe you no explanation" - in the end it's me who she lives with. When I wanted to leave I told her (even if it wasn't the nicest way) & it's me who she's fucking over. By all means, if she doesn't want to tell me I don't mind, but I clearly know otherwise. Apparently questioning the lease wasn't the only thing, but the fact that this world is soooo small is what blows me away. My friend moved into a place with someone else & they have a third room they're looking to rent. A "$700 room for rent" & Steff's e-mail was one they received. How do I know? Well my friend came to my house & has met Steff. I tagged Steff on Instagram & she asked me "What's the 'Vee' stand for?" I told her it's her last name -so & so-. Guess she remembered it pretty well & mentioned it to me, the e-mail & all. I let out the ultimate laugh. Steff is right about one thing she owes me no explanation, but be decent enough to tell me straight up. It's ok though, I wish her nothing but the best with her search for a new place & her endeavors. She's an amazing person & all of the crap we're going through doesn't make me stop loving her. We all fuck up & think what we do isn't wrong. Shit! I didn't think cursing her out & telling her she was a fucked up friend & roommate was wrong, still don't. It is what it is. As outlandish as it all sounds it's just things that end up being those little "outcomes" of choices made. I will just wait for that notice so I can help get the apartment situated into a better place.
• Cyber Monday is really not all it's made out to be. I was dying to try & get tons of new electronics for the living room set up I have in mind & kitchen appliances. TUH! I didn't think the deals were all that great except for one crock pot/slow cooker I was waiting for. Walmart had this 6 quartz slow cooker for $9.44. You can only imagine how fast that ended up going! Although my self purchases were a fail, I didn't fail on one thing. I got my mom an awesome birthday gift that was long overdue. My mom always seems to bend backwards to make sure she can provide me all that she does. So I decided to get her a nice 32" flat screen for her birthday. Time for her to get rid of that other TV & upgrade to something sleek. I can't wait until she picks it up!
• Do you ever realize that the people you deal with on the day to day basis actually become a great part of your life?! Well I have & I wouldn't trade any of them. Not only have they become my day to day, my friends, but a family to me. They have taught me so much about life, told me so much & continue to help me build myself as a person. The main thing I learned with them is that no matter what little arguments you go through with one another you have to look past it. Not only for your sanity, but for the sake of what you have gained & built with that person. Seriously, if they even read any of this, thank you!

Obviously there's a lot of updates. Plenty that I haven't pin-pointed in here but just things I've come to realize, or what I want to share because I need to get it off my chest. Nothing changes who has come into my life, they are all experiences that I wouldn't go back on. Just because respect is lost, doesn't mean the love is. I love you, just don't respect you for what you've done. Do I support you? Absolutely! In whatever ends up making you happy. Clearly my parents & my day to day folks love & care for me even with my faults. All of this time, what I've been going out & doing, the way my outlook has changed - it's just all something new for me. More knowledge for me to gain from everything, more reason to learn how to control my anger, all the more reason to never stop being myself. In the end I am still happy!

"Because your best is your best, no matter what the outcome, your best is enough."

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well.

Talk to you soon lovies.

- Ahlexandria

Insightful Friday.

Lately as you can see I've been just sharing words with everyone. I've been taking what I see & translating them into what my mind can relate it to & how I hope you could relate. All of these affirmations, words of wisdom have been helping me lately. I've been reading books that help me get through my day to day, feel some sense of freedom from the world. They've also been keeping me calm during stressful situations. Although I am not some "new found" person, I am changing within me, mentally. I still am me - but with more knowledge. All I hope is to share this with others.

This has been something that I am always skeptical about. When I say what I feel it hurts people's feelings or they get on the defensive end of things. It's like why should I hold things in when I feel some kind of way all because I should completely consider your feelings? When in reality you didn't consider me when you acted how for me to have to say something. I shouldn't be left with disappointments & feeling weighed down all because people aren't considerate of me, their friend, someone they "love & care" for.

Being disappointed is something we will always encounter. Being honest with people is what people can't seem to face, especially words that in turn can burn down their egos. Some times people do need a reality check because they can't think what they do is ok. If someone was loyal to you, a lot of damaged they have done wouldn't be done. If you stay true to them, they should stay true to you. When people start pulling back from their compromises & promises, or their words in general of who they said they were, they are not real. People like that need a lot of self evaluation. & the funny this I realized is a lot of these people depend on others without even knowing. They feel that they need so much of something because they don't come to terms with the difference between needing and wanting. Once again, self evaluation!

To I've been evaluating myself, to cleanse myself, to free myself up from negative energy. I've been saying what I've been feeling, defending what I feel is right. & even when it's done, especially done for people, the appreciation is far from there. Thing with me is I will not change who I am because of someone else. They will eventually get what is deserved for the mistreatment of others.

I wrote something on Tumblr last night. It ended up being the source of this blog today...

I can’t even begin to explain the appreciation lately. The fact that something so simple can prove so much to me. Not even knowing me for years & stepping up completely & showing me that there’s people who really value people.

I can’t help but continue to say thank you. Thank you for not being like people who are in & have been in my life. Even if this is temporary. It’s blown away the ones who are around.

I think that sums up a lot of my feelings lately too.

Even if it's a temporary encounter with the people who have stepped in my life, I can't thank them enough. Thank them for allowing me to say what I feel & for them to reciprocate. They have shared nothing but the truth with me (as far as I know) & I can say I've done the exact same thing. When I've been around them it's like a sigh of relief. No tension, no worries, just "it is what it is" & great times!

I have no idea what I'm trying to get through this post, but hopefully someone who reads it understands me. lol

Have a great Friday folks!

xo's - Ahlexandria

Wise Ol' Wednesday.

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."

This quote holds true in so many ways. Think about it, you are your own enemy. You are the only person who can do things in life. If something is standing in the way, you are the only person who can overcome that obstacle. If you are stuck some where, or just not where you want to be, you can only break down those walls.

We all set these goals for ourselves, we all try to do things. & as good as an attempt is, nothing compares to actually fulfilling it. We can not sit here & think that things will just be handed to us, or done for us, we have to get up & do it ourselves. By staying in the same element, in our own world without breaking down barriers - how far can we actually get?

Think about it.

Wise Wednesday.

All we can do is still to what we want to do with ourselves. Goals are not easy to keep up with. Giving up is definitely not the way though. It is fine to take a break from things, but don't completely lose sight of what you had planned. Keep going, stay driven, find a way to make it all happen!

"I want a roommate!"

I've been getting a lot of questions how to live with a roommate, how do I live with someone who is considered my best friend. Tons of people are considering moving out, finding a place with either their best friend, or renting a room from someone they know especially with September & college life. Let me just say no matter which you choose they are not easy.

Living on your own would seem like the simpler choice, but financially it might not be right or even some times just getting lonely. The perks of living on your own, solely you - it's your space, you only have to worry about yourself & if there's a mess it's yours & only yours. Now you would think, "Well that's the same case with roommates". Even with a friend or best friend, they can easily take advantage of it because they feel they can get over on you. Some times if you're going to live with someone, someone you don't know as well can be better to live with. So, no matter who you live with there has to be rules you agree upon prior to moving in. For example: Our rules were rotation of who takes out the trash, who washes the dishes depending on who cooks, cleaning once a week, no hair in the tub, toothpaste in the sink & splitting bills & food down the middle. The only way you can enforce these rules are by; constantly setting reminders & hope that the person/people you live with doesn't go back on what the priorities are for the home you both share, & respecting the agreement you came to with them from the beginning.

The problem a lot of times, more than most, people get too comfortable. One person can tackle more than one responsibility because the other person/people aren't holding their end of the deal. So chore charts are in place, or calenders to mark what was done. Once you see or just know your name is there all the time, then you have a choice to make. You can either reiterate the agreements, make changes, or do less of so the other person can step up. I personally just continue to do what I have to do for my home because at the end of the day it's where I live, & I benefit from it because it is me who will learn from everything. Laziness & being tired is understandable, but that constantly happening becomes an issue.

No matter what it is that you do; working, school, getting wasted - there is a responsibility that you signed yourself to,that you agreed to with someone. By not holding up your end, by slacking off all the time, by thinking someone is always going to do everything or cater to you, you are wrong. Eventually the person you live with will get fed up. There are tons of tips to living with people, great ones in fact (all websites listed below).

To anyone who is considering living with someone else, the people who keep asking me about it my word of advice is:

• Make sure there are rules set in place from the beginning.
• Make sure the rules are followed through the entire time.
• Sit down & talk about: how things are going at work, home & life.
• Keeping an open form of communication.
• Don't do more than your share especially if the other person doesn't care.
• Make sure the bills are paid on time between all parties.
• If bills aren't paid on time make sure it is made up for some how.
• Don't let anyone take advantage of you.
• Living with friends can possibly ruin your friendship.
• Some times you have to think to just do for yourself.
• Make an example & if that is not enough, leave it to them to learn.
• Set up goals for your home that you all agree upon.
• Remind your roommate/yourself of the agreements from the beginning.
• If things get hard say it.
• If you need help with things & they're too "blind" leave them a note or say so.
• Do not let anyone borrow anything without knowing it will be returned.
• If everything is divided equally, make sure it's paid at the same time.

There's probably a whole list more but these websites can definitely help.

1. Roommate Survival Guide
2. Tips & Tricks for Living With Roommates
3. Surviving Your Roommate/Surviving Yourself

Good luck!
- Ahlexandria

All of this is from experience from living with people, friends from my Mom's home (renters & friends), to staying with people, to living with a person I was with, to my apartment now.