& Over The Course of a Few Weeks....

The panoramic photo I took of NYC.

A lot ends up happening. Between learning a lot of new things, finding out new things & just living life things just occur. With the this little "hiatus" I guess I've taken, more so because I didn't know what to write, it's crazy what comes along. My lack of writing has shown me so much more.

• Clearly my career as a professional blogger doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Maybe it's due to not being inspired, not knowing what to write, or unsure of how to say things. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone because they believe my words are directed towards them with my generalization. Then I realized I can't stop writing how I do or what I write because I care too much about what someone else thinks. That's my problem, I tend to care too much.
• It's not a lie when you're told your parents know you best. My mother & father know me in & out, they know how temperamental I am, my highs & lows. The thing that I appreciate the most is that despite it all they love me. My parents will tell me how it is, where I went wrong, where things are going. They provide me with blunt advice on how life is & how I could handle it. Even if I didn't go about it the right way they will help me see all sides of the fence. My father recently said "Life brings you things that you just have to take it & run with it. People shouldn't run away from the problems they will always linger. Those who can not confront it are scared of the outcome. Be yourself, you will get far by just being you because you are amazing even if you're flawed." Now my mom is not as calm as my dad. My dad has a subtle approach to things but has no problem putting a fist through someone's face. My mom on the other hand has this "Fuck you if you fuck me over & you'll know I'm not about this shit" approach. I guess it's a mother's instinct to protect their children, but even if so she just says: "No one likes to hear negative about themselves, I know I hate it. If you have to lash out there must be some underlying reason for it. If people would listen the first time around they wouldn't be so offended when it was repeated." The joy of parents, the way I love them, the support they've provided me through recent times.
• As it comes to it people change, relationships change, things are not the same. I recently found out that Steff is looking to move out. Even if she wants to deny it or say "At the moment I am not going anywhere" or "It is not your concern, I owe you no explanation" - in the end it's me who she lives with. When I wanted to leave I told her (even if it wasn't the nicest way) & it's me who she's fucking over. By all means, if she doesn't want to tell me I don't mind, but I clearly know otherwise. Apparently questioning the lease wasn't the only thing, but the fact that this world is soooo small is what blows me away. My friend moved into a place with someone else & they have a third room they're looking to rent. A "$700 room for rent" & Steff's e-mail was one they received. How do I know? Well my friend came to my house & has met Steff. I tagged Steff on Instagram & she asked me "What's the 'Vee' stand for?" I told her it's her last name -so & so-. Guess she remembered it pretty well & mentioned it to me, the e-mail & all. I let out the ultimate laugh. Steff is right about one thing she owes me no explanation, but be decent enough to tell me straight up. It's ok though, I wish her nothing but the best with her search for a new place & her endeavors. She's an amazing person & all of the crap we're going through doesn't make me stop loving her. We all fuck up & think what we do isn't wrong. Shit! I didn't think cursing her out & telling her she was a fucked up friend & roommate was wrong, still don't. It is what it is. As outlandish as it all sounds it's just things that end up being those little "outcomes" of choices made. I will just wait for that notice so I can help get the apartment situated into a better place.
• Cyber Monday is really not all it's made out to be. I was dying to try & get tons of new electronics for the living room set up I have in mind & kitchen appliances. TUH! I didn't think the deals were all that great except for one crock pot/slow cooker I was waiting for. Walmart had this 6 quartz slow cooker for $9.44. You can only imagine how fast that ended up going! Although my self purchases were a fail, I didn't fail on one thing. I got my mom an awesome birthday gift that was long overdue. My mom always seems to bend backwards to make sure she can provide me all that she does. So I decided to get her a nice 32" flat screen for her birthday. Time for her to get rid of that other TV & upgrade to something sleek. I can't wait until she picks it up!
• Do you ever realize that the people you deal with on the day to day basis actually become a great part of your life?! Well I have & I wouldn't trade any of them. Not only have they become my day to day, my friends, but a family to me. They have taught me so much about life, told me so much & continue to help me build myself as a person. The main thing I learned with them is that no matter what little arguments you go through with one another you have to look past it. Not only for your sanity, but for the sake of what you have gained & built with that person. Seriously, if they even read any of this, thank you!

Obviously there's a lot of updates. Plenty that I haven't pin-pointed in here but just things I've come to realize, or what I want to share because I need to get it off my chest. Nothing changes who has come into my life, they are all experiences that I wouldn't go back on. Just because respect is lost, doesn't mean the love is. I love you, just don't respect you for what you've done. Do I support you? Absolutely! In whatever ends up making you happy. Clearly my parents & my day to day folks love & care for me even with my faults. All of this time, what I've been going out & doing, the way my outlook has changed - it's just all something new for me. More knowledge for me to gain from everything, more reason to learn how to control my anger, all the more reason to never stop being myself. In the end I am still happy!

"Because your best is your best, no matter what the outcome, your best is enough."

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well.

Talk to you soon lovies.

- Ahlexandria