Rambles #8472

There are moments where you need all the strength in the world to get by. Moments where you need to be completely confident with yourself to know that everything is going to be ok. As weak as I have been, as insecure as I am, I have yet to lose my soul, myself completely.

Slowly, we venture off into our world. There are things that take us in a big whirlwind, but we just have to keep steady even if we are tripping over those steps forward. Every single day is a challenge. The challenges aren't just what is placed in our way, but more of life itself. That is the greatest challenge; LIFE! I know I've said this before but reinforcement & repetition is what sticks, what gets you through.

Pieces of me, my life, my wellness, my mental health - they've all broken off at some point or another. They might still be shattered somewhere around. I do know that not all pieces are meant to be put back together, but transformed into something better. Make a new piece & attach it to you.

Although I am weak, even insecure, I have not lost my soul or myself completely.

Anxiety, sleepless night, hating the world - it will not change what has to take place. Things need to be done despite the way I feel. Whether I am forcing myself to do it, or doing it willingly, it will, should & has to be done. For the most part depending the circumstances.

You could lose, win, or stay neutral. There's no way of knowing without trying.

Sunday: Old Navy Sales.

Today Steffy had to go & get her laptop fixed over at Apple. So we headed into the city & made a day of it. Once she finished with her laptop we couldn't help but splurge a little bit, especially on sales.

Steffy got a coupon for free undies. We ended up in Victoria Secret. I couldn't help but take a picture of that beauty up there. Adriana Lima is definitely good eye candy.

We then browsed into H&M right next door on 34th Street. The knit on these sweaters are so pretty!

Uniqlo just opened at the end of October. We wanted to see if they had anything to offer there. Once we stepped out of the store we walked across the street to Forever 21.

This store though, OLD NAVY, definitely won us over for the day. Before heading to Midtown, we were down near 18th Street & went into one. We made most of our purchases there. Then we went into the overly packed Old Navy on 34th Street.

I decided to record a video of what purchases I made today. Although money is tight right now, I couldn't help but get the sales that they had going on today. It definitely made me feel a bit better about how things are going lately.

Just incase you couldn't see exactly what I purchased:

Jacket that I basically got for a mega sale.

These cute tan tweed shorts. I said wool in the video, WHOOPS!

Nice button down wool sweater. 

Maxi stripped dress.

Everything that was purchased was either 30% off the ticketed price or 75% off the original sweater price. Can't go wrong with deals like these. :)

Happy Sunday!

- Ahlexandria

Who Saves You?!

"Alex you sit there and try to help and save everyone, but who saves you?!"

I've been thinking about this since it's been said to me. It's not that there isn't someone to save me because there is, but I lie to pull the line when it comes to them wanting to help. I don't mind helping, I actually enjoying completely going out my way for others if I can. The person who told me this is right though "Not everyone cares about you, or how you feel. They will take this and use it to their advantage. It's about them before you." I know that some people are like that, I know some people just use kindness to their advantage, but I can't change who I am. Well I can, but I guess in a way I refuse to.

I like being kind, I love to give when I have & even if I don't I find a way to manage. That is something that makes me happy. "You put everyone before yourself and sometimes it has to be about you." Another thing they are once again right about. Things is I rather be the one hurt in the end then see others hurting. I rather know I was the one person who actually cared & that one person who did what I could in their life. Thing a lot of people don't realize is; I do notice when someone takes advantage of me. Those people get their one gulp of help, then from there I ease off completely. I still remain friendly but don't go out my way like I once did.

I know I may seem completely naive, but I can't help for caring about others. In the end who cares for me? Who saves me? There have been people who have gone out there way to help me, I just do not accept the help.

It's still lurking in my mind. I am just. . .STUCK on it!

A to Z: Get To Know Me

I kind of took this from Steffy, but I had to because I thought it was an awesome way for my readers to get to know other things about me. Sorry Princess, I really enjoyed your choice for a post so I robbed you. LOL.

A – Available: I am available to make earrings for people. ;)
B – Best Friend: I have a few, but Steffy definitely ranks HIGH on that list.
C – Color of Your Room: It's white with a grey stripe across the top of one wall.
D – Dad’s Name: Nandor.
E – Easiest Person To Talk To: My cousin Kat.
F – Favorite Food: Sushi/Japanese. 
G – Gummy Bears Or Worms:  Worms.
H – Hometown: Born in one place, raised in the next ghetto of Long Island.
I – Instrument: I used to play the recorded, but my vocal cords are one.
J – Job: Living my life as best as I can.
K – Kids: My new kitten is good enough for now.
L – Longest Car Ride: I think it was 16 hours.
M – Milk Flavor: Strawberry (Which reminds me I want some tonight).
N – Number Of Siblings: 2 half brothers but my youngest is the one I know.
O – One Wish: For things to get better.
P – Phobias: Centipedes, sleeping with no noise.
Q – Favorite Quote: The one on my back in Hungarian - “If you can't cherish the little you don't deserve more.”
R – Reason To Smile: My beautiful family, the loves in my life & the support they give.
S – Song You Last Heard: Practice - Drake.
T – Travel:  I go at least once a year to a new place.
U – Unknown Fact About Me: I used to sing really good.
V – Vegetable: Okra, string beans, mushrooms, broccoli rabe. 
W – Worst Habits: Being too blunt at times yet holding things back.
X – X-Rays You’ve Had: Stomach, oral.
Y – Your Favorite Pastime: Making things I think of actually happen.
Z – Zodiac Sign: Gemini.

For Sale.

I've noticed that I have a bad habit of collecting things. The problem is that they sit around & don't get used. I had nail polishes & a brand new Forever 21 skirt up, but those are already gone. I do though have sneakers in mint to good condition that are under $50. I also have some shoes & purses that I want to get rid of. If you follow me on Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram you will already have seen what I have for sale. If not you can just check out either of those by clicking the links.

I hope everyone is doing well. I will post a regular post soon, especially since I actually have an idea.

Empty Boat Rides

Empty Boat Rides a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

It's pictures like these that I come across & can't help but think about you. Don't get me wrong moving on doesn't mean we forget. I can't forget you when you've had one of the biggest impacts on my life. As much as I've been holding in what I've been feeling, holding in these words, I just had to let them out, had to share it.

You will always be someone I will love, always be someone important to me. As many times as we've tried to make it work, as many times as we've said "I love you" - in the end it doesn't matter. Who knows what the future holds for us, if there will be an us, but right now you are living your life & I am going on with mine.

I can't say that you're better off because I don't know. If you are though I am happy for you. I reached out to the girl that you made me hate you over, I told her that if it's her that you choose, I am happy for you both. She gave you the attention I wasn't capable of providing you because I was too torn by all that was done. I still held all the abuse again you. Deep within me I hated you for ever laying your hands on me, no matter how mad you were. Because of me, because of US, you turned into a monster.

& even after all of that, after all we've put each other through, I still can't seem to stop loving you. But I'm empty; although I think of you I am empty when it comes to thinking of us again. At one time when we went to take that picture together I pictured us in it. We've always wanted to share a boat ride together. But now, those images are empty, just like that boat. There will never be an us together in a boat, riding along, enjoying one another's company. We will never be (maybe because of you, maybe because of me).

Knowing that this is completely irrelevant & isn't of importance anymore, just as I am not of any importance anymore to you - Please know that there are times you still cross my mind, that boat ride we always planned on taking.

Halloween + Winners!

Chola to the fullest.

Make-up only for Halloween.

Celebrated Halloween this year & it was pretty cool. The outfit wasn't even as much as I expected it to be. Everything could be found in the house, except the lip liner & the make-up. LOL If you've been following my Twitter you would have seen the other pictures. :)

Not only that I was having a give away to random tweeters. People who began to follow from 1-50 then those from 51-100. I used a website instead of writing all 100 names because my hand began to cramp. The website I used was 'Random Student Selector', but it works out just the same. I had to Google and look up ones that other bloggers have used. I stayed true to it & the first ones it chose I cropped & as you see are the winners of a pair of earrings that I made.

These two lovely ladies on Twitter are my give away winners. Ladies, all I need for you to do is e-mail me your address so I can send you a pair of customized earrings. :] I will also throw in some little goodies that I hope you will like. :)

I hope everyone had a safe & wonderful Halloween.

- Ahlexandria