Empty Boat Rides

Empty Boat Rides a photo by Ahlexandria on Flickr.

It's pictures like these that I come across & can't help but think about you. Don't get me wrong moving on doesn't mean we forget. I can't forget you when you've had one of the biggest impacts on my life. As much as I've been holding in what I've been feeling, holding in these words, I just had to let them out, had to share it.

You will always be someone I will love, always be someone important to me. As many times as we've tried to make it work, as many times as we've said "I love you" - in the end it doesn't matter. Who knows what the future holds for us, if there will be an us, but right now you are living your life & I am going on with mine.

I can't say that you're better off because I don't know. If you are though I am happy for you. I reached out to the girl that you made me hate you over, I told her that if it's her that you choose, I am happy for you both. She gave you the attention I wasn't capable of providing you because I was too torn by all that was done. I still held all the abuse again you. Deep within me I hated you for ever laying your hands on me, no matter how mad you were. Because of me, because of US, you turned into a monster.

& even after all of that, after all we've put each other through, I still can't seem to stop loving you. But I'm empty; although I think of you I am empty when it comes to thinking of us again. At one time when we went to take that picture together I pictured us in it. We've always wanted to share a boat ride together. But now, those images are empty, just like that boat. There will never be an us together in a boat, riding along, enjoying one another's company. We will never be (maybe because of you, maybe because of me).

Knowing that this is completely irrelevant & isn't of importance anymore, just as I am not of any importance anymore to you - Please know that there are times you still cross my mind, that boat ride we always planned on taking.