I've been just ranting and randomly entering little reminders for myself on Twitter. Thing with Twitter that we all know is that you're sharing it with everyone. I do that with the reason that maybe people can relate. I'm not perfect, I state that and I know that for a fact, but there are plenty of things that I just do not agree on.
Over the course of the past 2-3 years I've taken a lot of what I've experienced and put them together. Noticing that some of what I've allowed to happen before is replaying itself. Maybe I'm not doing my best at not allowing it to happen, but I am trying to handle it differently this time around. It's not always successful and there are times that I completely lose my mind, but I do know that it's not going to be okay.
People think abuse is just in the form of physically being hit. We forget that abuse can be mental and emotional. No one should do that to anyone and there is a thin line between it. If you curse someone out for how you feel about them, that is not abuse that is you completely over things with them and fed up. Now if you are cursing them out on a day to day to make them feel less of themselves, that is emotional abuse. There are people so blind to what they're doing because they are always so far up their own ass that they never know, but they do do it. It's hard to tell someone who always thinks they're right about themselves. Me? It's hard to tell me about myself because then I'll begin to pin-point all the bull shit you do too and need to know. I make it a back and forth.
No one likes to hear about themselves. It's one thing to hear and make changes, it's another thing to hear and then just go back to your old bull shit. Everyone is flawed and the hardest thing is to hear from someone that they're completely disappointed in you, especially if it's someone you deeply care for.
There's just so much that relates to abuse and how people like to completely take advantage of people. I don't like when it's done by those who claim to be your friends, that is the worst. If they're not doing it to you, trust me they're doing it to someone else. It's so easy for them to manipulate you, they're friend, imagine someone who isn't even a "friend" yet. But that's the fault of someone else for being so naive.
I keep reminding myself that I have sacrificed so much and made things happen thanks to me and my love and support system. I tell myself that you have to send that simple "I love you" and "Thank you" to those who have done nothing but held you down and helped you. Those things mean so much so you're never taking anyone for granted. I learned though that you can't expect that from everyone, especially the people who you have provided it all for and bent backwards for because those people might be too caught up in themselves.
The point of this? Just to share thoughts. If you write something and someone is offended, maybe the shoe fits. Don't change yourself for anyone, change for yourself. If anything you should just give less of yourself to someone who isn't worthy of it. It is not okay to be taken advantage of and abused. Those who matter will show you they care. They won't do it because they want something in return and want to use you in the long run. People who show you love here and there, if you feel off by it, maybe it's because they're doing it in order to get you around.
Live according to you and know that it is all an experience that you can only take it and learn from it.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
#8: SmallChicksBigEats.Com
I'm so overwhelmed with all these emotions that I don't even know where to begin with this post. First and foremost, thank you to everyone who believes in this. The people who have not only spread the word, who have donated to help SmallChicksBigEats start their ventures, but the people who are loyal readers.
I've been reflecting a lot more with seeing how hard work really does show itself. People believe in those who work hard and want to make things happen. It's about never giving up and continuing to build on your dreams and goals. Two years ago this wouldn't have happened. Two years ago either I wasn't at the place or my partner at the time wasn't in the right place. It was just an idea, an outlet for food but never something that was eating at us to become reality.
Things then began to fall apart. My household was in shambles, mentally I wasn't there and I couldn't write anything. My creativity had lacked and all that came with it was put on the back burner. It wasn't until a few months after I mentioned to my new roommate, Jes, how I wanted to start getting back into it. She has a love of cooking herself and I thought her taking part in it would be good. Cooking is soul cleansing so is eating great tasting food. #SCBE became something we dabbled in from time to time, but the move to California is what did it.
California was a fresh start to life. It was a way for us to do things we couldn't have imagined ourselves doing prior. I mean....we did move all the way across country, what could stop us from there? The only thing I didn't want was someone who would half ass it. I didn't want to sit here and have to bug someone to want to take part in something that I saw so much potential in. Jes and I got our reality check once we noticed the feedback we were getting. Feedback on; our simple dishes that we put up for the sake of sharing the love we put into meals, how healthy food can be tasty, how good it feels to be able to feed yourself something other than microwavable food. We were driven by everyone who contributed and it all took hold of us from there.
There's so much more to this story but this is the basics of how SmallChicksBigEats started. All of this just shows how sometimes you have to step away from it and go back to it in order to focus your time and energy on it. It is impossible for something to be successful if you're not 100%+ in it. I am there and I am going to assume that my partner is as well, because look at all she's contributed and done thus far. It is quite amazing what can form from an idea as long as you set your mind to it.
Anyways, with all of that said I just want to thank everyone again. To the people who continue to spread the word, donate, share good vibes and continue to be my inspiration and motivation. To my immediate friends who get to taste the food and be critics. To Jes for taking this journey with me and turning it around. Most importantly, to myself for never letting all the negative chew me alive and make me think that it'll never be possible.
Remember if you believe in yourself, others will too. Hard work does not go unnoticed. Be genuine and grateful because it'll come back to you when you least expect it.
Happy eating, cooking and loving food!
- Ahlexandria
I've been reflecting a lot more with seeing how hard work really does show itself. People believe in those who work hard and want to make things happen. It's about never giving up and continuing to build on your dreams and goals. Two years ago this wouldn't have happened. Two years ago either I wasn't at the place or my partner at the time wasn't in the right place. It was just an idea, an outlet for food but never something that was eating at us to become reality.
Things then began to fall apart. My household was in shambles, mentally I wasn't there and I couldn't write anything. My creativity had lacked and all that came with it was put on the back burner. It wasn't until a few months after I mentioned to my new roommate, Jes, how I wanted to start getting back into it. She has a love of cooking herself and I thought her taking part in it would be good. Cooking is soul cleansing so is eating great tasting food. #SCBE became something we dabbled in from time to time, but the move to California is what did it.
California was a fresh start to life. It was a way for us to do things we couldn't have imagined ourselves doing prior. I mean....we did move all the way across country, what could stop us from there? The only thing I didn't want was someone who would half ass it. I didn't want to sit here and have to bug someone to want to take part in something that I saw so much potential in. Jes and I got our reality check once we noticed the feedback we were getting. Feedback on; our simple dishes that we put up for the sake of sharing the love we put into meals, how healthy food can be tasty, how good it feels to be able to feed yourself something other than microwavable food. We were driven by everyone who contributed and it all took hold of us from there.
There's so much more to this story but this is the basics of how SmallChicksBigEats started. All of this just shows how sometimes you have to step away from it and go back to it in order to focus your time and energy on it. It is impossible for something to be successful if you're not 100%+ in it. I am there and I am going to assume that my partner is as well, because look at all she's contributed and done thus far. It is quite amazing what can form from an idea as long as you set your mind to it.
Anyways, with all of that said I just want to thank everyone again. To the people who continue to spread the word, donate, share good vibes and continue to be my inspiration and motivation. To my immediate friends who get to taste the food and be critics. To Jes for taking this journey with me and turning it around. Most importantly, to myself for never letting all the negative chew me alive and make me think that it'll never be possible.
Remember if you believe in yourself, others will too. Hard work does not go unnoticed. Be genuine and grateful because it'll come back to you when you least expect it.
Happy eating, cooking and loving food!
- Ahlexandria
Sunday, August 10, 2014
#7: Three Sundays Ago....
Simply put my girlfriend took me on a random date. Food in downtown Long Beach and Lil' Tokyo in LA. Just doing some things all for the hell of it.
Also want to thank everyone who has contribute to SmallChicksBigEats and the venture to IFBC. It means a lot to know that people are supporting Jes and myself in getting there and making #SCBE something bigger than just our love for food and food blog. If you want to see our updates check out our GoFundMe and Twitter for any up to date info.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
#6: What If.....
Recently picking through my brain and just looking at different scenarios, I've been asking myself "What if....". Have you ever just sat there and asked yourself how things could be different and how they'd change if it didn't happen how it did?
Between flying and just having some nice time away from certain situations that I've needed to, I was able to reflect. Noticing how people are, what they do and say, how it then can upset me. Noticing that I shouldn't be bothered by what someone says and does as long as isn't directly effecting me. I've held back on what should be said and exploded. Building this anger and allowing it to just sit there instead of speaking on it because I would rather let it be. Thinking that people know what an adult relationship with others should be. Some times I forget that people are never going to see things how you do. I forget that people can be so selfish and not everyone will just go an extra mile.
When you feel abused whether that's physically or verbally, you don't ever get how much it beat you up until you take a second to sit back and observe. How someone can mentally and emotionally play with you just to benefit them. How someone could sit there and constantly expect so much from you, but not even giving you the inch of the same thing.
I prefer to be distant. Distant as if it was close enough to reach but completely out of my reach and not having to deal with it as much because I took that step. I would just prefer to live day to day and worry about what needs to be instead of who.
What if....
Between flying and just having some nice time away from certain situations that I've needed to, I was able to reflect. Noticing how people are, what they do and say, how it then can upset me. Noticing that I shouldn't be bothered by what someone says and does as long as isn't directly effecting me. I've held back on what should be said and exploded. Building this anger and allowing it to just sit there instead of speaking on it because I would rather let it be. Thinking that people know what an adult relationship with others should be. Some times I forget that people are never going to see things how you do. I forget that people can be so selfish and not everyone will just go an extra mile.
When you feel abused whether that's physically or verbally, you don't ever get how much it beat you up until you take a second to sit back and observe. How someone can mentally and emotionally play with you just to benefit them. How someone could sit there and constantly expect so much from you, but not even giving you the inch of the same thing.
I prefer to be distant. Distant as if it was close enough to reach but completely out of my reach and not having to deal with it as much because I took that step. I would just prefer to live day to day and worry about what needs to be instead of who.
What if....
- people were different?
- people took the time to thank you?
- you didn't take that responsibility?
- you didn't make that move?
- you spoke up more?
- beat them with your words for once?
- took everything away?
- completely changed yourself?
Who knows. I won't. I can only worry about today.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
#5: Adulthood
Looking back at pictures like this I realize that nothing can ever be like my childhood. Everything wasn't entirely perfect, but it sure seemed to have been for me. When we are younger we embrace all things that we love, all things that we like, everything that seems to catch our eye. As we get older we realize that sometimes that tight grip slowly begins to loosen up. Things change, times change, people change. Over the course of a few years you're no longer looking at the world for all the colors but you're looking at black, white and grays.
Each time I look at this picture I ask myself; Am I who I wanted to be? Am I still that same loving little kid? Does that adorable little boy still look up to me?
Being an adult isn't what I've expected. One thing I've noticed is that taking it day to day is mandatory. You can plan, but you have to take everything in stride. Do not rush, do not try and control the inevitable. You just have to gradually do what it takes to be a better you. Each day offers you a lesson, a lesson towards your greatest major - life.
Looking back at that picture it warms my heart. Although I know I am not perfect, there are many things that cannot amount to that hug. 'Til this day that little boy that turned into a handsome young man gives me strength that I never believed. By just speaking to me, confiding in me and allowing me to take part of his growing process. By me sharing my obstacles in becoming the adult that I am today, sharing adulthood. It is things just like that photo, those memories, that make me think of how beautiful life actually is if you just take a step back and see the pictures.
Friday, May 30, 2014
#4: Ode To Food
 |
| 805. |
The reason for this post isn't to praise VSCO but to share my absolute love for food! Last night I went on a food crawl with my girlfriend. It wasn't too much of a food crawl since we didn't hit all 4 targets that we had planned, but we did end up going to 2 spots. With moving to Downtown Long Beach you get to experience all the food that they offer, especially it being walking distance. One of the locations we have never tried but have been dying to. Pier 76 is what I'd like to call a creative take on seafood but not on the high end of restaurants that have seafood. Then we ended up going over to Bo-Beau to have the tapas on the rooftop since last weekend we enjoyed the dining for my birthday downstairs. Bo-Beau has a wide variety of not only vodka but beers and man oh man, I LOVE BEER! The only reason we didn't crawl to the other two places we had in mind was because we were not only full, but got the taste of some heavenly beers.
 |
| Pier 76's Lobster Roll. |
 |
| Broccoli Cole Slaw from Pier 76. |
 |
| Bo-Beau Roof "Tap" Menu with beers. |
 |
| Bo-Beau's Mussels. |
Doesn't it all look just so appeasing? No thanks to VSCO of course.
If you want to see my food journey along with my partner in crime Jes' please take your way over to SmallChicksBigEats.Com #SCBE. There you can find not only the food that we cook but places that we have gone to eat. Most of the recent updates are dishes that we have made, but soon enough everyone will be able to follow our foodie dates.
¡Buen Provecho!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
#3: TestingDahScan
I recently received this awesome scanner as a gift. I had one at my old apartment that my mom had in her house, but I wanted to get one for the apartment here in Cali so I could add love to my blog. Although it's random little bits, they are things that just remind me of a certain day.
 |
| Movie tickets. Hello Kitty Go Fish. Long Beach Pride drink tickets and my tutu from that day. |
The texture and colors are so interesting to see scanned than when you get to see it in person. It's just something so different and playful. Sarah did scans for a while and I loved her idea entirely. She definitely is an inspiration to me when it comes to blogging and just being yourself. I am working towards getting my .com to that place and just building a digital journal.
Aside from that, happy pride month! To those who support the community, thank you! No one really understands what it means to have the support of others no matter what it is for. As humans we do need some sense of acknowledgement and having people out there backing you is just the plus.
By the way -
If you have yet to check out the food blog please do. SCBE is updated on a day to day basis. Jes and I are doing our best to make sure we share all that of what we cook but also what we go to eat.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
#2: See You Soon NY.
If anyone has followed me on Twitter and Instagram they know that I've made a huge move. Jes and I literally picked up and moved within a month to California. The story within itself is pretty hilarious, but we stuck to our word and we are making a home for ourselves here on the West Coast.
To just shed a bit of light on how it happened:
It was Jes' 24th birthday celebration one weekend and after one too many pitchers we decided that the best idea was to up and try something new. Due to some circumstances it was just about that time for the both of us. Drunken promises are really never kept between many people, but this one was one we were determined in January to make happen. So we officially decided on the 6th of January that it would be that time. We slowly broke it to our family then our friends. February 25th we were on a flight out to LAX and the rest is history.
As spontaneous as the move was, it definitely wasn't the easiest. Having to get rid of everything in your apartment, the place that you created into what you loved, it was hard. Leaving the lady of my life, my mom, all the way back home was another heart breaker. The craziest part of it all is that she was completely supportive of her only child taking this journey and experiencing her life just a little bit. I can't even begin to explain how blessed I am for that woman. The lack of friends wasn't easy, but we figured that we would just wing it all and see where it took us. Taking a risk entirely at a new life and I wouldn't change it.
There's this thing about moving farrrrrrrrrrr away; You end up opening your eyes to a lot of things. A LOT! I am grateful that I was strong enough to just up and go. I remember in 2009 I was going to do this same move, but that didn't happen as planned due to financial issues where I was planning on staying. NOW, it was all up to us. My mom was an large factor in making this a reality for us, but being over here having to battle it out is what shows you if you're capable.
The light shines through for you when you're distant. People booking flights right away to come visit whether it's just for a random weekend or even to celebrate your birthday. The attitude people have towards you because of strenuous situations or how they handle things when you are no longer in the picture. How life can just make a complete flip out of no where but the fact that you had some control over that change. It's unbelievable what you end up realizing. The action and words that follow through with one another or the ones that don't. Although it seems like it takes something so drastic, it was there the entire time.
Either way, New York will always be my home. The people I've met and shared parts of my life with will always be a part of my growing up and learning. My heart will always have a place on the East Coast. It was just time to live a little, try something out of the ordinary, act like I was really still in my 20's.
For now, I'll enjoy living a 15-20 minute walk down to the beach and the weather that SoCal offers me.
It's not goodbye, but it's more of a see you soon NY. Also, thank you. Thank you for everyone who has been there, who has given me the chance to experience and learn things that I never would have before.
To just shed a bit of light on how it happened:
It was Jes' 24th birthday celebration one weekend and after one too many pitchers we decided that the best idea was to up and try something new. Due to some circumstances it was just about that time for the both of us. Drunken promises are really never kept between many people, but this one was one we were determined in January to make happen. So we officially decided on the 6th of January that it would be that time. We slowly broke it to our family then our friends. February 25th we were on a flight out to LAX and the rest is history.
As spontaneous as the move was, it definitely wasn't the easiest. Having to get rid of everything in your apartment, the place that you created into what you loved, it was hard. Leaving the lady of my life, my mom, all the way back home was another heart breaker. The craziest part of it all is that she was completely supportive of her only child taking this journey and experiencing her life just a little bit. I can't even begin to explain how blessed I am for that woman. The lack of friends wasn't easy, but we figured that we would just wing it all and see where it took us. Taking a risk entirely at a new life and I wouldn't change it.
There's this thing about moving farrrrrrrrrrr away; You end up opening your eyes to a lot of things. A LOT! I am grateful that I was strong enough to just up and go. I remember in 2009 I was going to do this same move, but that didn't happen as planned due to financial issues where I was planning on staying. NOW, it was all up to us. My mom was an large factor in making this a reality for us, but being over here having to battle it out is what shows you if you're capable.
The light shines through for you when you're distant. People booking flights right away to come visit whether it's just for a random weekend or even to celebrate your birthday. The attitude people have towards you because of strenuous situations or how they handle things when you are no longer in the picture. How life can just make a complete flip out of no where but the fact that you had some control over that change. It's unbelievable what you end up realizing. The action and words that follow through with one another or the ones that don't. Although it seems like it takes something so drastic, it was there the entire time.
Either way, New York will always be my home. The people I've met and shared parts of my life with will always be a part of my growing up and learning. My heart will always have a place on the East Coast. It was just time to live a little, try something out of the ordinary, act like I was really still in my 20's.
For now, I'll enjoy living a 15-20 minute walk down to the beach and the weather that SoCal offers me.
It's not goodbye, but it's more of a see you soon NY. Also, thank you. Thank you for everyone who has been there, who has given me the chance to experience and learn things that I never would have before.
 |
| Venice Beach - VSCO |
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
#1: The Re-Re-Restart
Time and time again I disappear from my personal blog and forget to update. I've continued to ask myself, how can I get back at this? What would interest readers? Why do I care if people read? lol. Honestly, I just want it to be appealing not only for others, but for myself when I look back at all of this down the line. So here I am, typing what comes to mind.
I've decided that I should no longer over think what I should type about. I should create something that I would just write down in my journal. Yes, random posts on my Tumblr help, but they aren't all directly from me. This .com has been around for too many years to just let it go. Moving it from place to place and it needs a home that I want to make beautiful and creative.
Have you ever thought to yourself, my children might one day want to see what mommy has done? Aside from wanting to know your own personal growth, but hoping that one day people who were once in your life would stumble across your .com just to see what you've been up to in life? Sounds odd, but it happens. It has happened and it does continue to happen. It's not that I want people in my business, but more so I want people to be aware, I am alive and well and living life according to how I want. Yes, there are bumps in the road. Yes, I am still learning something new every single day. Yes, it's never as easy as it may seem in a blog post. BUT, it's a nice way to document everything just in case.
So many thoughts, ideas, drawings, visuals....they'll be here some how. Between Twitter, Instagram, VSCO and Tumblr sharing parts of me, I want to sum it all up here. I'll call this the "re-re-restart" to Ahlexandria.Com.
I've decided that I should no longer over think what I should type about. I should create something that I would just write down in my journal. Yes, random posts on my Tumblr help, but they aren't all directly from me. This .com has been around for too many years to just let it go. Moving it from place to place and it needs a home that I want to make beautiful and creative.
Have you ever thought to yourself, my children might one day want to see what mommy has done? Aside from wanting to know your own personal growth, but hoping that one day people who were once in your life would stumble across your .com just to see what you've been up to in life? Sounds odd, but it happens. It has happened and it does continue to happen. It's not that I want people in my business, but more so I want people to be aware, I am alive and well and living life according to how I want. Yes, there are bumps in the road. Yes, I am still learning something new every single day. Yes, it's never as easy as it may seem in a blog post. BUT, it's a nice way to document everything just in case.
So many thoughts, ideas, drawings, visuals....they'll be here some how. Between Twitter, Instagram, VSCO and Tumblr sharing parts of me, I want to sum it all up here. I'll call this the "re-re-restart" to Ahlexandria.Com.
There's more to come within the next week. The story of the journey that got me across country and the little bits and pieces of me to share in photos, words and randomness.
- Ahlexandria
If you're into good eats please check out SmallChicksBigEats.Com.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)