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| This from my first shoot. |
What kills me is how things from two years ago will always come up because of the internet. Am I mad? In no way would I be. I can honestly sit here & say that when I did work with Chandler & ShortyPop back in 2009 it was an awesome experience. I remember my first shoot I had my friend Beans there with me. She was completely supportive of me showing my body & just having fun. My second shoot I actually had a 'Girl on Girl' shoot with Jesicka. Now that - THAT WAS MY FAVORITE! Obviously because it was with a gorgeous female, but at the same time because Jesicka & I just did whatever & enjoyed all that it was. The video Chandler has posted on YouTube was pretty awesome, especially the kiss we had going. I got to kiss her several times, might I add, it's fun kissing your straight friends. :)
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| My second shoot with Jesicka. |
So this morning when I saw a Polaroid of myself going around so much time later & it exposing my body, I thought to myself "Wow! That was me when I just turned 21. What a way to go into that year." LOL. I really had all the support, even from my mother. Like she said "Screw it you live once, just do it!" I did! & I regret not one moment because it was all such an enjoyable experience. More than anything looking at that picture this morning it made me realize something about myself; I really didn't care about my body then, I felt good about it. I was so into just doing whatever & not caring, that I see it now & say "I'm too scared to even consider doing that." I guess my health (although I was sick then) took a greater toll on me within the past year. It made me more conscience about what I do & what I show. Not for one second though do I not look at the pictures that I have & the picture that is posted & tell myself, "DAMN, I REALLY WAS BALLSY!" Not a slut, a whore, tricking around at all - at that time I was even dating someone who said it would be awesome to do. I just felt
FREE! & that sense of freedom about myself, about my body, I haven't had in a long time.
Now to people who are posting it, or blogging it, they might see it as something else. That doesn't bother me, I'm fine with that. But I can say when I did that I got to be apart of something that was hype at the moment & even a girl in Cali purchased a damn polaroid of Jesicka & I kissing. Before ShortyPop was purchased by Supreme in March of 2010, I got to do something I felt was liberating. Everyone is different, people will see it differently, but looking at that picture I am proud that I did a half nude shoot. Hey, it is what it is. I feel I have no reason to be ashamed, it was an experience in my life that I can now look at & remember two years ago & how it all went down.
Good morning everyone!
- Ahlexandria
