#6: What If.....

Recently picking through my brain and just looking at different scenarios, I've been asking myself "What if....". Have you ever just sat there and asked yourself how things could be different and how they'd change if it didn't happen how it did?

Between flying and just having some nice time away from certain situations that I've needed to, I was able to reflect. Noticing how people are, what they do and say, how it then can upset me. Noticing that I shouldn't be bothered by what someone says and does as long as isn't directly effecting me. I've held back on what should be said and exploded. Building this anger and allowing it to just sit there instead of speaking on it because I would rather let it be. Thinking that people know what an adult relationship with others should be. Some times I forget that people are never going to see things how you do. I forget that people can be so selfish and not everyone will just go an extra mile.

When you feel abused whether that's physically or verbally, you don't ever get how much it beat you up until you take a second to sit back and observe. How someone can mentally and emotionally play with you just to benefit them. How someone could sit there and constantly expect so much from you, but not even giving you the inch of the same thing.

I prefer to be distant. Distant as if it was close enough to reach but completely out of my reach and not having to deal with it as much because I took that step. I would just prefer to live day to day and worry about what needs to be instead of who.

What if....

• people were different?
• people took the time to thank you?
• you didn't take that responsibility?
• you didn't make that move?
• you spoke up more?
• beat them with your words for once?
• took everything away?
• completely changed yourself?

Who knows. I won't. I can only worry about today.

#5: Adulthood

Looking back at pictures like this I realize that nothing can ever be like my childhood. Everything wasn't entirely perfect, but it sure seemed to have been for me. When we are younger we embrace all things that we love, all things that we like, everything that seems to catch our eye. As we get older we realize that sometimes that tight grip slowly begins to loosen up. Things change, times change, people change. Over the course of a few years you're no longer looking at the world for all the colors but you're looking at black, white and grays.

Each time I look at this picture I ask myself; Am I who I wanted to be? Am I still that same loving little kid? Does that adorable little boy still look up to me?

Being an adult isn't what I've expected. One thing I've noticed is that taking it day to day is mandatory. You can plan, but you have to take everything in stride. Do not rush, do not try and control the inevitable. You just have to gradually do what it takes to be a better you. Each day offers you a lesson, a lesson towards your greatest major - life.

Looking back at that picture it warms my heart. Although I know I am not perfect, there are many things that cannot amount to that hug. 'Til this day that little boy that turned into a handsome young man gives me strength that I never believed. By just speaking to me, confiding in me and allowing me to take part of his growing process. By me sharing my obstacles in becoming the adult that I am today, sharing adulthood. It is things just like that photo, those memories, that make me think of how beautiful life actually is if you just take a step back and see the pictures.