#9: Spewwww.

I've been just ranting and randomly entering little reminders for myself on Twitter. Thing with Twitter that we all know is that you're sharing it with everyone. I do that with the reason that maybe people can relate. I'm not perfect, I state that and I know that for a fact, but there are plenty of things that I just do not agree on.

Over the course of the past 2-3 years I've taken a lot of what I've experienced and put them together. Noticing that some of what I've allowed to happen before is replaying itself. Maybe I'm not doing my best at not allowing it to happen, but I am trying to handle it differently this time around. It's not always successful and there are times that I completely lose my mind, but I do know that it's not going to be okay.

People think abuse is just in the form of physically being hit. We forget that abuse can be mental and emotional. No one should do that to anyone and there is a thin line between it. If you curse someone out for how you feel about them, that is not abuse that is you completely over things with them and fed up. Now if you are cursing them out on a day to day to make them feel less of themselves, that is emotional abuse. There are people so blind to what they're doing because they are always so far up their own ass that they never know, but they do do it. It's hard to tell someone who always thinks they're right about themselves. Me? It's hard to tell me about myself because then I'll begin to pin-point all the bull shit you do too and need to know. I make it a back and forth.

No one likes to hear about themselves. It's one thing to hear and make changes, it's another thing to hear and then just go back to your old bull shit. Everyone is flawed and the hardest thing is to hear from someone that they're completely disappointed in you, especially if it's someone you deeply care for.

There's just so much that relates to abuse and how people like to completely take advantage of people. I don't like when it's done by those who claim to be your friends, that is the worst. If they're not doing it to you, trust me they're doing it to someone else. It's so easy for them to manipulate you, they're friend, imagine someone who isn't even a "friend" yet. But that's the fault of someone else for being so naive.

I keep reminding myself that I have sacrificed so much and made things happen thanks to me and my love and support system. I tell myself that you have to send that simple "I love you" and "Thank you" to those who have done nothing but held you down and helped you. Those things mean so much so you're never taking anyone for granted. I learned though that you can't expect that from everyone, especially the people who you have provided it all for and bent backwards for because those people might be too caught up in themselves.

The point of this? Just to share thoughts. If you write something and someone is offended, maybe the shoe fits. Don't change yourself for anyone, change for yourself. If anything you should just give less of yourself to someone who isn't worthy of it. It is not okay to be taken advantage of and abused. Those who matter will show you they care. They won't do it because they want something in return and want to use you in the long run. People who show you love here and there, if you feel off by it, maybe it's because they're doing it in order to get you around.

Live according to you and know that it is all an experience that you can only take it and learn from it.

#3: TestingDahScan

I recently received this awesome scanner as a gift. I had one at my old apartment that my mom had in her house, but I wanted to get one for the apartment here in Cali so I could add love to my blog. Although it's random little bits, they are things that just remind me of a certain day.

Movie tickets. Hello Kitty Go Fish. Long Beach Pride drink tickets and my tutu from that day.

The texture and colors are so interesting to see scanned than when you get to see it in person. It's just something so different and playful. Sarah did scans for a while and I loved her idea entirely. She definitely is an inspiration to me when it comes to blogging and just being yourself. I am working towards getting my .com to that place and just building a digital journal.

Aside from that, happy pride month! To those who support the community, thank you! No one really understands what it means to have the support of others no matter what it is for. As humans we do need some sense of acknowledgement and having people out there backing you is just the plus.

By the way -

If you have yet to check out the food blog please do. SCBE is updated on a day to day basis. Jes and I are doing our best to make sure we share all that of what we cook but also what we go to eat.

Enjoy!

#1: The Re-Re-Restart

Time and time again I disappear from my personal blog and forget to update. I've continued to ask myself, how can I get back at this? What would interest readers? Why do I care if people read? lol. Honestly, I just want it to be appealing not only for others, but for myself when I look back at all of this down the line. So here I am, typing what comes to mind.

I've decided that I should no longer over think what I should type about. I should create something that I would just write down in my journal. Yes, random posts on my Tumblr help, but they aren't all directly from me. This .com has been around for too many years to just let it go. Moving it from place to place and it needs a home that I want to make beautiful and creative.

Have you ever thought to yourself, my children might one day want to see what mommy has done? Aside from wanting to know your own personal growth, but hoping that one day people who were once in your life would stumble across your .com just to see what you've been up to in life? Sounds odd, but it happens. It has happened and it does continue to happen. It's not that I want people in my business, but more so I want people to be aware, I am alive and well and living life according to how I want. Yes, there are bumps in the road. Yes, I am still learning something new every single day. Yes, it's never as easy as it may seem in a blog post. BUT, it's a nice way to document everything just in case.

So many thoughts, ideas, drawings, visuals....they'll be here some how. Between Twitter, Instagram, VSCO and Tumblr sharing parts of me, I want to sum it all up here. I'll call this the "re-re-restart" to Ahlexandria.Com.

There's more to come within the next week. The story of the journey that got me across country and the little bits and pieces of me to share in photos, words and randomness.

- Ahlexandria

If you're into good eats please check out SmallChicksBigEats.Com.