#9: Spewwww.

I've been just ranting and randomly entering little reminders for myself on Twitter. Thing with Twitter that we all know is that you're sharing it with everyone. I do that with the reason that maybe people can relate. I'm not perfect, I state that and I know that for a fact, but there are plenty of things that I just do not agree on.

Over the course of the past 2-3 years I've taken a lot of what I've experienced and put them together. Noticing that some of what I've allowed to happen before is replaying itself. Maybe I'm not doing my best at not allowing it to happen, but I am trying to handle it differently this time around. It's not always successful and there are times that I completely lose my mind, but I do know that it's not going to be okay.

People think abuse is just in the form of physically being hit. We forget that abuse can be mental and emotional. No one should do that to anyone and there is a thin line between it. If you curse someone out for how you feel about them, that is not abuse that is you completely over things with them and fed up. Now if you are cursing them out on a day to day to make them feel less of themselves, that is emotional abuse. There are people so blind to what they're doing because they are always so far up their own ass that they never know, but they do do it. It's hard to tell someone who always thinks they're right about themselves. Me? It's hard to tell me about myself because then I'll begin to pin-point all the bull shit you do too and need to know. I make it a back and forth.

No one likes to hear about themselves. It's one thing to hear and make changes, it's another thing to hear and then just go back to your old bull shit. Everyone is flawed and the hardest thing is to hear from someone that they're completely disappointed in you, especially if it's someone you deeply care for.

There's just so much that relates to abuse and how people like to completely take advantage of people. I don't like when it's done by those who claim to be your friends, that is the worst. If they're not doing it to you, trust me they're doing it to someone else. It's so easy for them to manipulate you, they're friend, imagine someone who isn't even a "friend" yet. But that's the fault of someone else for being so naive.

I keep reminding myself that I have sacrificed so much and made things happen thanks to me and my love and support system. I tell myself that you have to send that simple "I love you" and "Thank you" to those who have done nothing but held you down and helped you. Those things mean so much so you're never taking anyone for granted. I learned though that you can't expect that from everyone, especially the people who you have provided it all for and bent backwards for because those people might be too caught up in themselves.

The point of this? Just to share thoughts. If you write something and someone is offended, maybe the shoe fits. Don't change yourself for anyone, change for yourself. If anything you should just give less of yourself to someone who isn't worthy of it. It is not okay to be taken advantage of and abused. Those who matter will show you they care. They won't do it because they want something in return and want to use you in the long run. People who show you love here and there, if you feel off by it, maybe it's because they're doing it in order to get you around.

Live according to you and know that it is all an experience that you can only take it and learn from it.

#7: Three Sundays Ago....

Simply put my girlfriend took me on a random date. Food in downtown Long Beach and Lil' Tokyo in LA. Just doing some things all for the hell of it.

Also want to thank everyone who has contribute to SmallChicksBigEats and the venture to IFBC. It means a lot to know that people are supporting Jes and myself in getting there and making #SCBE something bigger than just our love for food and food blog. If you want to see our updates check out our GoFundMe and Twitter for any up to date info.

#6: What If.....

Recently picking through my brain and just looking at different scenarios, I've been asking myself "What if....". Have you ever just sat there and asked yourself how things could be different and how they'd change if it didn't happen how it did?

Between flying and just having some nice time away from certain situations that I've needed to, I was able to reflect. Noticing how people are, what they do and say, how it then can upset me. Noticing that I shouldn't be bothered by what someone says and does as long as isn't directly effecting me. I've held back on what should be said and exploded. Building this anger and allowing it to just sit there instead of speaking on it because I would rather let it be. Thinking that people know what an adult relationship with others should be. Some times I forget that people are never going to see things how you do. I forget that people can be so selfish and not everyone will just go an extra mile.

When you feel abused whether that's physically or verbally, you don't ever get how much it beat you up until you take a second to sit back and observe. How someone can mentally and emotionally play with you just to benefit them. How someone could sit there and constantly expect so much from you, but not even giving you the inch of the same thing.

I prefer to be distant. Distant as if it was close enough to reach but completely out of my reach and not having to deal with it as much because I took that step. I would just prefer to live day to day and worry about what needs to be instead of who.

What if....

• people were different?
• people took the time to thank you?
• you didn't take that responsibility?
• you didn't make that move?
• you spoke up more?
• beat them with your words for once?
• took everything away?
• completely changed yourself?

Who knows. I won't. I can only worry about today.

#5: Adulthood

Looking back at pictures like this I realize that nothing can ever be like my childhood. Everything wasn't entirely perfect, but it sure seemed to have been for me. When we are younger we embrace all things that we love, all things that we like, everything that seems to catch our eye. As we get older we realize that sometimes that tight grip slowly begins to loosen up. Things change, times change, people change. Over the course of a few years you're no longer looking at the world for all the colors but you're looking at black, white and grays.

Each time I look at this picture I ask myself; Am I who I wanted to be? Am I still that same loving little kid? Does that adorable little boy still look up to me?

Being an adult isn't what I've expected. One thing I've noticed is that taking it day to day is mandatory. You can plan, but you have to take everything in stride. Do not rush, do not try and control the inevitable. You just have to gradually do what it takes to be a better you. Each day offers you a lesson, a lesson towards your greatest major - life.

Looking back at that picture it warms my heart. Although I know I am not perfect, there are many things that cannot amount to that hug. 'Til this day that little boy that turned into a handsome young man gives me strength that I never believed. By just speaking to me, confiding in me and allowing me to take part of his growing process. By me sharing my obstacles in becoming the adult that I am today, sharing adulthood. It is things just like that photo, those memories, that make me think of how beautiful life actually is if you just take a step back and see the pictures.

#4: Ode To Food

805.

VSCO has become a very good app that I love using. Not only for the editing pictures and the detail that you can show in photos, but to showcase the food and beer addiction that I have. I browse through VSCO and I realize that there is so much that you can show someone, how you see the world by capturing it.

The reason for this post isn't to praise VSCO but to share my absolute love for food! Last night I went on a food crawl with my girlfriend. It wasn't too much of a food crawl since we didn't hit all 4 targets that we had planned, but we did end up going to 2 spots. With moving to Downtown Long Beach you get to experience all the food that they offer, especially it being walking distance. One of the locations we have never tried but have been dying to. Pier 76 is what I'd like to call a creative take on seafood but not on the high end of restaurants that have seafood. Then we ended up going over to Bo-Beau to have the tapas on the rooftop since last weekend we enjoyed the dining for my birthday downstairs. Bo-Beau has a wide variety of not only vodka but beers and man oh man, I LOVE BEER! The only reason we didn't crawl to the other two places we had in mind was because we were not only full, but got the taste of some heavenly beers.

Pier 76's Lobster Roll.

Broccoli Cole Slaw from Pier 76.

Bo-Beau Roof "Tap" Menu with beers.

Bo-Beau's Mussels.

Doesn't it all look just so appeasing? No thanks to VSCO of course.

If you want to see my food journey along with my partner in crime Jes' please take your way over to SmallChicksBigEats.Com #SCBE. There you can find not only the food that we cook but places that we have gone to eat. Most of the recent updates are dishes that we have made, but soon enough everyone will be able to follow our foodie dates.

¡Buen Provecho! 

#3: TestingDahScan

I recently received this awesome scanner as a gift. I had one at my old apartment that my mom had in her house, but I wanted to get one for the apartment here in Cali so I could add love to my blog. Although it's random little bits, they are things that just remind me of a certain day.

Movie tickets. Hello Kitty Go Fish. Long Beach Pride drink tickets and my tutu from that day.

The texture and colors are so interesting to see scanned than when you get to see it in person. It's just something so different and playful. Sarah did scans for a while and I loved her idea entirely. She definitely is an inspiration to me when it comes to blogging and just being yourself. I am working towards getting my .com to that place and just building a digital journal.

Aside from that, happy pride month! To those who support the community, thank you! No one really understands what it means to have the support of others no matter what it is for. As humans we do need some sense of acknowledgement and having people out there backing you is just the plus.

By the way -

If you have yet to check out the food blog please do. SCBE is updated on a day to day basis. Jes and I are doing our best to make sure we share all that of what we cook but also what we go to eat.

Enjoy!

#1: The Re-Re-Restart

Time and time again I disappear from my personal blog and forget to update. I've continued to ask myself, how can I get back at this? What would interest readers? Why do I care if people read? lol. Honestly, I just want it to be appealing not only for others, but for myself when I look back at all of this down the line. So here I am, typing what comes to mind.

I've decided that I should no longer over think what I should type about. I should create something that I would just write down in my journal. Yes, random posts on my Tumblr help, but they aren't all directly from me. This .com has been around for too many years to just let it go. Moving it from place to place and it needs a home that I want to make beautiful and creative.

Have you ever thought to yourself, my children might one day want to see what mommy has done? Aside from wanting to know your own personal growth, but hoping that one day people who were once in your life would stumble across your .com just to see what you've been up to in life? Sounds odd, but it happens. It has happened and it does continue to happen. It's not that I want people in my business, but more so I want people to be aware, I am alive and well and living life according to how I want. Yes, there are bumps in the road. Yes, I am still learning something new every single day. Yes, it's never as easy as it may seem in a blog post. BUT, it's a nice way to document everything just in case.

So many thoughts, ideas, drawings, visuals....they'll be here some how. Between Twitter, Instagram, VSCO and Tumblr sharing parts of me, I want to sum it all up here. I'll call this the "re-re-restart" to Ahlexandria.Com.

There's more to come within the next week. The story of the journey that got me across country and the little bits and pieces of me to share in photos, words and randomness.

- Ahlexandria

If you're into good eats please check out SmallChicksBigEats.Com.

It's About That Time....

The distance I've grown from all of this, from my blog. I've been trying to think of what to write, how to keep readers interested. It finally hit me, writing is for me. This blog is for me & those who share it with me, I hope it has become something for you too. I have been in hiding, been so enclosed doing things that I have to. I've been focusing on myself, trying to handle my emotions, renovating the apartment, working. It's finally time, time for me to share myself, to let all of these clouded feelings go & it comes to doing it right here.

I've been in love. I still love.

I've lost love. I've hurt love.

I miss love. But I am love.

Between the issues that have gone on at home, with trying to just lead a day to day life, I realized love to many is essential. As much as I've tried blocking it off I just can't. I still love people, I've grown to love people, I've fallen for people who I still care for. We are human, we think more than we should, we have feelings that we wish we didn't. Avoiding everything about love has been what I've tried doing.

My ex & I broke up last year around July. We have spoken on & off about things, but never went through getting back together officially. Why? I wasn't ready. I felt that I needed to focus on myself & better myself. If I am not a better person how can our relationship possibly work? We tried being together & working things out, but maybe something different would help. I kept my life moving forward, after a few months started to get to know people especially due to the distance her & I created. & even between then everyone knew my terms: "I am not looking for anything. I am just getting to know people. I am focusing on myself." I did not (still don't) want a relationship, I did not (still don't) want to be serious with anyone, but I can't help that I myself am an emotional person. I like to tell you that you interest me & why. If there was something that you did, that I found beauty in I'd let you know. The downfall of all of this, people think that you're trying to be serious.

Throughout this I didn't stop loving my ex. She was & still is someone I love & care deeply about. But things change, people change & we were together for the reasons we were. The past is in the past for many reasons & I keep telling myself "You can't hold onto someone when things aren't eye to eye." We weren't & still aren't eye to eye with one another. But what I was avoiding? I was avoiding loving & being hurt. What happened? I got hurt. I felt like there was an ultimatum - be with me now, or there's nothing at all . All I wanted was to improve myself, to better myself, figure out who I am & was becoming. But the choice was to do that with her or she had someone lined up to be with. This coming from the person who still doesn't know what she is going to do with herself.

I've "dated" I guess you can say, got to know people out there. There's one thing I refuse to do, I refuse to blame anyone for what happens between my ex & myself. The "baggage" I have (or had at this point), is not something that should influence something in the future. I'm not looking for anything, but I do know that I am capable of loving beyond what I've expected. Enduring so much, my ex & I, my ex's! & I enduring all that we have with one another; & all I want is the best for them. Is that so wrong? I say that not out of sarcasm but with actual love & because I know they deserve it. We all deserve happiness. We deserve the best for us!

My ex is just an example of love lost. There is so much heartache that comes with loving, with trying to put yourself first for once. But I can not allow myself to give in to something I am not ready for. That I do not see at a state of being able to be fixed. There are sacrifices we all have to make & there's a point that you will end up hurt due to it. Just don't give up on yourself & know you're strong enough to experience the outcome of the decision you've made.

I've cried. It's ok. I've screamed. & that's fine too. We all handle things differently. We find someone else to involve ourselves with to move on. We just go into hiding to not have to worry about any outside feelings other the ones that we need to deal with. You find out a lot more about everything when you take a step back from everything. Whether you do it for a month, three months or like me going on eight months & still letting it happen, you do end up figuring it out. You figure out what's best for you & who is best to have in your life.

It's about time that I poured my heart out to my blog. This was the space where my inner thoughts spewed out. I can't give this up because this is one form of sanity. Hopefully with this I have given myself the proper closure to the love I once had & I can move on to new. I've found new things, experienced new things, but I need to give myself the benefit of the doubt there is an ending to that chapter. This is the end to that chapter. & I will continue to remind myself: it's absolutely fine to be vulnerable, but know that you can end up hurt.

With love on Valentine's Day.

- Ahlexandria

It's December!

In just one weekend your life can do a complete 180 degrees. Now that I am alone in the apartment, there's tons of things that are going to be done within the next few weeks before the holidays. & when I say few, I mean like three weeks. lol

• Steff has moved out. It had me on edge, but honestly as I've stated, I really just want the best for her. We served our purposes in each other's life & hopefully by living with one another she learned something as I learned more than plenty.
• We'll see what ends up happening. A beautiful apartment with so much potential & now it all is up to me to see what will come from it. Guess you'll all find out in 2013 what ended up happening.
• I'm addicted to some of Rihanna's songs on her new album. Between her, the Miguel album & an underground group of rappers that I love. You guys should definitely check out B.I.C (Bitches Is Crazy) & their "Yo Soy Widdit" video. The editing & the rawness of it all drives the crazy bitch in me wild. I warn anyone checking out know it's rated R...seriously! lol.
• I'm emotionally unavailable. Emotions just get you in a heap of trouble & with that comes trusting the person with how you feel. Clearly friends or lovers are not ones to be 100% trusted right now. So I'm just living how I need to, loving myself.
• Three feelings I want to share: excited, nervous, scared. But with the proper communication, vibes & honesty it will definitely turn into something better than before.

Hope everyone is ready for the holidays. I will take photos of my life renovations soon.

- Ahlexandria

Another good song by B.I.C:

& Over The Course of a Few Weeks....

The panoramic photo I took of NYC.

A lot ends up happening. Between learning a lot of new things, finding out new things & just living life things just occur. With the this little "hiatus" I guess I've taken, more so because I didn't know what to write, it's crazy what comes along. My lack of writing has shown me so much more.

• Clearly my career as a professional blogger doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Maybe it's due to not being inspired, not knowing what to write, or unsure of how to say things. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone because they believe my words are directed towards them with my generalization. Then I realized I can't stop writing how I do or what I write because I care too much about what someone else thinks. That's my problem, I tend to care too much.
• It's not a lie when you're told your parents know you best. My mother & father know me in & out, they know how temperamental I am, my highs & lows. The thing that I appreciate the most is that despite it all they love me. My parents will tell me how it is, where I went wrong, where things are going. They provide me with blunt advice on how life is & how I could handle it. Even if I didn't go about it the right way they will help me see all sides of the fence. My father recently said "Life brings you things that you just have to take it & run with it. People shouldn't run away from the problems they will always linger. Those who can not confront it are scared of the outcome. Be yourself, you will get far by just being you because you are amazing even if you're flawed." Now my mom is not as calm as my dad. My dad has a subtle approach to things but has no problem putting a fist through someone's face. My mom on the other hand has this "Fuck you if you fuck me over & you'll know I'm not about this shit" approach. I guess it's a mother's instinct to protect their children, but even if so she just says: "No one likes to hear negative about themselves, I know I hate it. If you have to lash out there must be some underlying reason for it. If people would listen the first time around they wouldn't be so offended when it was repeated." The joy of parents, the way I love them, the support they've provided me through recent times.
• As it comes to it people change, relationships change, things are not the same. I recently found out that Steff is looking to move out. Even if she wants to deny it or say "At the moment I am not going anywhere" or "It is not your concern, I owe you no explanation" - in the end it's me who she lives with. When I wanted to leave I told her (even if it wasn't the nicest way) & it's me who she's fucking over. By all means, if she doesn't want to tell me I don't mind, but I clearly know otherwise. Apparently questioning the lease wasn't the only thing, but the fact that this world is soooo small is what blows me away. My friend moved into a place with someone else & they have a third room they're looking to rent. A "$700 room for rent" & Steff's e-mail was one they received. How do I know? Well my friend came to my house & has met Steff. I tagged Steff on Instagram & she asked me "What's the 'Vee' stand for?" I told her it's her last name -so & so-. Guess she remembered it pretty well & mentioned it to me, the e-mail & all. I let out the ultimate laugh. Steff is right about one thing she owes me no explanation, but be decent enough to tell me straight up. It's ok though, I wish her nothing but the best with her search for a new place & her endeavors. She's an amazing person & all of the crap we're going through doesn't make me stop loving her. We all fuck up & think what we do isn't wrong. Shit! I didn't think cursing her out & telling her she was a fucked up friend & roommate was wrong, still don't. It is what it is. As outlandish as it all sounds it's just things that end up being those little "outcomes" of choices made. I will just wait for that notice so I can help get the apartment situated into a better place.
• Cyber Monday is really not all it's made out to be. I was dying to try & get tons of new electronics for the living room set up I have in mind & kitchen appliances. TUH! I didn't think the deals were all that great except for one crock pot/slow cooker I was waiting for. Walmart had this 6 quartz slow cooker for $9.44. You can only imagine how fast that ended up going! Although my self purchases were a fail, I didn't fail on one thing. I got my mom an awesome birthday gift that was long overdue. My mom always seems to bend backwards to make sure she can provide me all that she does. So I decided to get her a nice 32" flat screen for her birthday. Time for her to get rid of that other TV & upgrade to something sleek. I can't wait until she picks it up!
• Do you ever realize that the people you deal with on the day to day basis actually become a great part of your life?! Well I have & I wouldn't trade any of them. Not only have they become my day to day, my friends, but a family to me. They have taught me so much about life, told me so much & continue to help me build myself as a person. The main thing I learned with them is that no matter what little arguments you go through with one another you have to look past it. Not only for your sanity, but for the sake of what you have gained & built with that person. Seriously, if they even read any of this, thank you!

Obviously there's a lot of updates. Plenty that I haven't pin-pointed in here but just things I've come to realize, or what I want to share because I need to get it off my chest. Nothing changes who has come into my life, they are all experiences that I wouldn't go back on. Just because respect is lost, doesn't mean the love is. I love you, just don't respect you for what you've done. Do I support you? Absolutely! In whatever ends up making you happy. Clearly my parents & my day to day folks love & care for me even with my faults. All of this time, what I've been going out & doing, the way my outlook has changed - it's just all something new for me. More knowledge for me to gain from everything, more reason to learn how to control my anger, all the more reason to never stop being myself. In the end I am still happy!

"Because your best is your best, no matter what the outcome, your best is enough."

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well.

Talk to you soon lovies.

- Ahlexandria

I've Lost My Mind Plenty....

& this quote fits what goes on with me perfectly!

T i m e  h e a l s  a l l .

Very true in many forms. I've lost my mind, myself & everything that comes along with sanity. I know I'm crazy, but even by being crazy & this weirdo, I'm happy! There are times where stress does get the best of me, where people are complete disappointments, where I am not on the up & up; but damn....it feels so good to know that I can find my happy place.

I've done so many things to reach that point. I've found so many ways to relieve stress, to be happy, to just look at the bigger picture. I am not perfect & I know this. I do what I have to do & continue to do it because it's what has to be done. Those who can not stay true to who they are, who let so many things change them & can not continue to stick to things - those are people who will lose themselves. Being crazy is who I am. I don't think I am sane, even though a lot of times it seems so. I am out of control, loose at the mouth, but at the end of the day I'm me. I hold it together as best as I can & I've started not caring about a lot of things that can not be changed. I can not change people & their priorities & how much they suck. I can not change the weather, nor can I change how the world works. All I can do is adapt, accept it & continue about my day to day.

Although I love to evaluate all of it; question, wonder, think of what was said & done - I will not allow it to get the best of me. People will no longer get the best of me. Feelings will be feelings in that moment & something I will have to overcome. If I lose out, I lose out. There will be something that comes along to just replace that loss.

I have been more to myself, more focused on hobbies (ie: food blog). I've met new people, gotten to know people I do better & learned who holds what place in my life. Some people have been demoted & I am absolutely ok with that. Their actions, their words, where I'm at, what I do, it all doesn't seem to fit one another. Life is like a puzzle piece we are trying to figure out and put together. Just know, everyone will also have that missing piece. If it's not that missing piece they will always have a piece they are trying their best to fit in.

T h i n k  a b o u t  i t !

Don't ever doubt what your mind and heart are capable of. Do it because it feels right, but know that whatever decision you make there are occurrences/consequences that then follow. Don't want to stay true to you work, don't want to keep promises, want to put whomever helped you get to where you are aside, want to act like you're better, want to not care - it all comes with something.

My mind randomly typing it all up.

- Ahlexandria

So Much!

I think a lot of the photos speak for themselves. lol

If you've been following me on Instagram you know I've been doing so much, so busy, but living! I can't explain how good it makes me feel to know that I've been doing things. Between family outing with my company, to gun rangers, Fuerza Bruta (which is INSANE & AMAZING), to random adventures of drag brunches & sex museums.....I have been a girl learning to deal with her stress in so many other ways than one.

With that said I would love to introduce everyone to a new part of my life,

A NEW FOUND FOOD BLOG!

I constantly post photos of things that I make, or eat & it gets tons of love. I also get pushed to start a blog, to help others. I am not a chef, I am just someone who finds a way to relieve her stress & put all of that into something she can enjoy. I would love for my readers here to follow along!

SmallChicksBigEats.Com

That has become my new baby! Steff & I have come together to colab & make this something we want everyone to enjoy. From food that is made to places we go eat. To things that are healthy, even to food that isn't but damn it's so good you just have to try it! Please follow, bookmark & join a new journey.

I want to thank Dari for doing her thing with it. She took that blog as if it was her own & showed it all the love with the designs she made.  She is talented to say the least & I love how creative she gets with just a few simple ideas I throw her way.

There is a button you can add to your blogs if you'd like to support. Either way I hope that I can new readers to the food blog  & this pushes me to add to my own blog.

Happy hungry reading! ;)

- Ahlexandria

Insightful Friday.

Lately as you can see I've been just sharing words with everyone. I've been taking what I see & translating them into what my mind can relate it to & how I hope you could relate. All of these affirmations, words of wisdom have been helping me lately. I've been reading books that help me get through my day to day, feel some sense of freedom from the world. They've also been keeping me calm during stressful situations. Although I am not some "new found" person, I am changing within me, mentally. I still am me - but with more knowledge. All I hope is to share this with others.

This has been something that I am always skeptical about. When I say what I feel it hurts people's feelings or they get on the defensive end of things. It's like why should I hold things in when I feel some kind of way all because I should completely consider your feelings? When in reality you didn't consider me when you acted how for me to have to say something. I shouldn't be left with disappointments & feeling weighed down all because people aren't considerate of me, their friend, someone they "love & care" for.

Being disappointed is something we will always encounter. Being honest with people is what people can't seem to face, especially words that in turn can burn down their egos. Some times people do need a reality check because they can't think what they do is ok. If someone was loyal to you, a lot of damaged they have done wouldn't be done. If you stay true to them, they should stay true to you. When people start pulling back from their compromises & promises, or their words in general of who they said they were, they are not real. People like that need a lot of self evaluation. & the funny this I realized is a lot of these people depend on others without even knowing. They feel that they need so much of something because they don't come to terms with the difference between needing and wanting. Once again, self evaluation!

To I've been evaluating myself, to cleanse myself, to free myself up from negative energy. I've been saying what I've been feeling, defending what I feel is right. & even when it's done, especially done for people, the appreciation is far from there. Thing with me is I will not change who I am because of someone else. They will eventually get what is deserved for the mistreatment of others.

I wrote something on Tumblr last night. It ended up being the source of this blog today...

I can’t even begin to explain the appreciation lately. The fact that something so simple can prove so much to me. Not even knowing me for years & stepping up completely & showing me that there’s people who really value people.

I can’t help but continue to say thank you. Thank you for not being like people who are in & have been in my life. Even if this is temporary. It’s blown away the ones who are around.

I think that sums up a lot of my feelings lately too.

Even if it's a temporary encounter with the people who have stepped in my life, I can't thank them enough. Thank them for allowing me to say what I feel & for them to reciprocate. They have shared nothing but the truth with me (as far as I know) & I can say I've done the exact same thing. When I've been around them it's like a sigh of relief. No tension, no worries, just "it is what it is" & great times!

I have no idea what I'm trying to get through this post, but hopefully someone who reads it understands me. lol

Have a great Friday folks!

xo's - Ahlexandria

Wise Ol' Wednesday.

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."

This quote holds true in so many ways. Think about it, you are your own enemy. You are the only person who can do things in life. If something is standing in the way, you are the only person who can overcome that obstacle. If you are stuck some where, or just not where you want to be, you can only break down those walls.

We all set these goals for ourselves, we all try to do things. & as good as an attempt is, nothing compares to actually fulfilling it. We can not sit here & think that things will just be handed to us, or done for us, we have to get up & do it ourselves. By staying in the same element, in our own world without breaking down barriers - how far can we actually get?

Think about it.

Sales & Give Aways!

It's been a while since I've posted anything on Etsy. I know I've been getting asked about the earrings I would make. Since making earrings I've designed cases & I'm selling other things.

If you haven't noticed there is a "Mizi's Findings" link on the left hand side. This is a link of items in the apartment that we are selling, call it a mini-thrift store. A lot of the shoes and clothes are BRAND NEW! Only two items have been sold so far, so hopefully things will run smoothly with that side of things.

Same goes for the cases. Cases have been sold, but still would love to sell more. Etsy has been a way to share my creative side, as well as have an affordable price for others. That's one thing I refuse to do is steal people's money with selling items. My goal with anything that I do is to help others.

Check out the websites:
Mizi's Findings
Etsy Shop

Support. Buy. Spread the word!


One more thing before you go....

I want to thank Liz for featuring me on her blog. It's always such a lovely question to be asked "Would you like a blog feature?" & I couldn't deny the opportunity. If you follow Liz you will know she is hosting a give away with a case that I made. Click here & join in. You have until September 14th!

Good luck & happy shopping! :)

9th Month of the Year.

Summer is over & the fall is rolling in. I ended summer properly. I have several pictures for upcoming posts that I can't wait to share. Also have posts lined up ready to be posted. 

I've been on a "stay-cation" over in Long Island at Mom's house. It was nice to be away, spend time with my lady & see the people I grew up with. Family is important! I have always been the outcast not wanting to spend time with family, but this year I've made it a priority. I try to see my mom once a month, see my brother for his important days & when we can get together & spend time with my cousins. Two of my cousins are my closest friends & I have made that effort to not only always keep in touch with them but see them when our schedules allow it.

The time away from the apartment was nice. The things I usually do; cooking, taking out the trash, trying to stay on top of things - those are things I didn't have to worry about this week. Before I left the apartment I cleaned it up, took out trash that Sunday & made sure there was nothing much Steff had to do except stay on top of it. It's nice to have an easy going vacation with no much worries. I didn't have to cook this entire week, worry about chores (except personal ones that had to be done while out here) & all I had to do was let it all go. Everything that has happened this summer, the tension that is there with people, just stress...I've set it all side or let it go. It's about mutual respect & staying true to who you are & what you promised. Not everyone can do that, so those are people who you shrug off.

I've gone out, I'm done some DIY projects, I've tanned after not being at the beach since Costa Rica. But more than anything, I spend time the past two weeks with the ones I love. Catching up with old friends was nice. To see how things have changed over the years. To rehash the memories we had & just share the good ol' times. This little get away was much needed. As much as I can hope for things to get better, there to be less stress - all I want is for people to step it up where need be. But hey, if they can't then I am absolutely fine with it, it is me at the end of the day.

A new month is supposed to bring about new goals. I have plenty of them, but I honestly rather share the goal through a blog when I actually do it. This month there is plenty planned & I have already started that by freeing myself, getting some projects done, feeling just a little above normal.

I hope that you all have your fall goals ready! Very proud to see you all back in school, your babies going to school, just things coming together for a lot of us who were down in the dumps. Positive thinking, hopes & wishes can bring out positive outcome. Don't ever forget what you can accomplish!

Stay tuned for some upcoming posts!

xo - Ahlexandria

Clearing Up 8.10

I find it interesting the amount of hits that post received. I got messaged and questioned as to why I would write that & then it dawned on me maybe my wording was incorrect.

If you've followed me for some time now, here or on Twitter, you'll know that I do not live with my Mom. I live with Steff in an apartment. People have asked for advice on how to live with someone, or how can you even live with a best friend. Simply, it comes down to rules & that was the message I was trying to state. That no matter WHO it is that you live with there has to be rules set in order to be able to live with someone. The fact that is came off offensive, eh...it's more of a research & experience based blog.

When certain messages come into play like that where they start to question what is going on in my household, it's like personal blogs can only be taken so far. I can not stress the fact that if I want to share with someone I will. When it comes to certain things, there is nothing to state than what I do here. Considering this, I think I've been an open book with my readers. I wouldn't want to not be who I am all to keep people interested. Of course some things will be more intriguing than others, but all I can do is share what I want to in that moment.

For those of you understanding the point in last Friday's post, thank you. Thank you everyone for all of your feedback & curiosity. My mission in blogging is not only be able to vent, but to share myself with all of you. Hopefully by doing so you can relate to me.

With that said - 

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

xo - Ahlexandria

Wise Wednesday.

All we can do is still to what we want to do with ourselves. Goals are not easy to keep up with. Giving up is definitely not the way though. It is fine to take a break from things, but don't completely lose sight of what you had planned. Keep going, stay driven, find a way to make it all happen!

"I want a roommate!"

I've been getting a lot of questions how to live with a roommate, how do I live with someone who is considered my best friend. Tons of people are considering moving out, finding a place with either their best friend, or renting a room from someone they know especially with September & college life. Let me just say no matter which you choose they are not easy.

Living on your own would seem like the simpler choice, but financially it might not be right or even some times just getting lonely. The perks of living on your own, solely you - it's your space, you only have to worry about yourself & if there's a mess it's yours & only yours. Now you would think, "Well that's the same case with roommates". Even with a friend or best friend, they can easily take advantage of it because they feel they can get over on you. Some times if you're going to live with someone, someone you don't know as well can be better to live with. So, no matter who you live with there has to be rules you agree upon prior to moving in. For example: Our rules were rotation of who takes out the trash, who washes the dishes depending on who cooks, cleaning once a week, no hair in the tub, toothpaste in the sink & splitting bills & food down the middle. The only way you can enforce these rules are by; constantly setting reminders & hope that the person/people you live with doesn't go back on what the priorities are for the home you both share, & respecting the agreement you came to with them from the beginning.

The problem a lot of times, more than most, people get too comfortable. One person can tackle more than one responsibility because the other person/people aren't holding their end of the deal. So chore charts are in place, or calenders to mark what was done. Once you see or just know your name is there all the time, then you have a choice to make. You can either reiterate the agreements, make changes, or do less of so the other person can step up. I personally just continue to do what I have to do for my home because at the end of the day it's where I live, & I benefit from it because it is me who will learn from everything. Laziness & being tired is understandable, but that constantly happening becomes an issue.

No matter what it is that you do; working, school, getting wasted - there is a responsibility that you signed yourself to,that you agreed to with someone. By not holding up your end, by slacking off all the time, by thinking someone is always going to do everything or cater to you, you are wrong. Eventually the person you live with will get fed up. There are tons of tips to living with people, great ones in fact (all websites listed below).

To anyone who is considering living with someone else, the people who keep asking me about it my word of advice is:

• Make sure there are rules set in place from the beginning.
• Make sure the rules are followed through the entire time.
• Sit down & talk about: how things are going at work, home & life.
• Keeping an open form of communication.
• Don't do more than your share especially if the other person doesn't care.
• Make sure the bills are paid on time between all parties.
• If bills aren't paid on time make sure it is made up for some how.
• Don't let anyone take advantage of you.
• Living with friends can possibly ruin your friendship.
• Some times you have to think to just do for yourself.
• Make an example & if that is not enough, leave it to them to learn.
• Set up goals for your home that you all agree upon.
• Remind your roommate/yourself of the agreements from the beginning.
• If things get hard say it.
• If you need help with things & they're too "blind" leave them a note or say so.
• Do not let anyone borrow anything without knowing it will be returned.
• If everything is divided equally, make sure it's paid at the same time.

There's probably a whole list more but these websites can definitely help.

1. Roommate Survival Guide
2. Tips & Tricks for Living With Roommates
3. Surviving Your Roommate/Surviving Yourself

Good luck!
- Ahlexandria

All of this is from experience from living with people, friends from my Mom's home (renters & friends), to staying with people, to living with a person I was with, to my apartment now.

Appeasing August.

ap·pease

[uh-peez]  Show IPA

verb (used with object), ap·peased, ap·peas·ing.
1. to bring to a state of peace, quiet, ease, calm, or contentment; pacify; soothe:
to appease an angry king.

2. to satisfy, allay, or relieve; assuage: The fruit appeased hishunger.
3. to yield or concede to the belligerent demands of (a nation,group, person, etc.) in a conciliatory effort, sometimes atthe expense of justice or other principles.

Copied the above from Dictionary.Com. Why I decided to use that word should state much of itself. I want this month to bring about a change, but in a sense that it helps me. Although I could list the many goals for this month, I rather stick to weekly goals that can be targeted easily. Aside for the goals that have been made for the apartment, I have several that I will continue to strive for myself.

Along with everything that I have been putting together personally & even with my blog, I have been an avid member of Key's photo challenges. She brings out different themes to take photos of, but at the same time it's about how you take the picture to feed the eye. Everyone has their own way of using their camera, or even of how they view beauty. What I love about her challenges is that not only does it help us as photographers, it helps her as a photographer. She gets a description of why we chose that photo, but she can also view it in a different light as well as the other followers that view her posts.

I started to become extremely into the idea of photo challenges. I was looking up different challenges on Tumblr & then Googled a few. Comes to find out there is a popular blog, Fat Mum Slim, who does them every single month. I considered doing the daily challenge but through Instagram aside from the weekly one I already participate in. There are so many challenges that can be done aside from photography & I wanted to see if I could even keep up with them. The only downfall is going through it half way. There are some days you feel more inspired than others!


But really, it's August already. Eight months into the year which means the holidays are about to be right around the corner. I will probably say this again in another post & I know I've mentioned it before but time surely does fly!


& while I have the same continuous goals & challenges that I am trying to create for myself, I hope you are all doing the same & enjoying every day as they come.


What do you have planned for August?


*Please check out the links above. :)