#9: Spewwww.

I've been just ranting and randomly entering little reminders for myself on Twitter. Thing with Twitter that we all know is that you're sharing it with everyone. I do that with the reason that maybe people can relate. I'm not perfect, I state that and I know that for a fact, but there are plenty of things that I just do not agree on.

Over the course of the past 2-3 years I've taken a lot of what I've experienced and put them together. Noticing that some of what I've allowed to happen before is replaying itself. Maybe I'm not doing my best at not allowing it to happen, but I am trying to handle it differently this time around. It's not always successful and there are times that I completely lose my mind, but I do know that it's not going to be okay.

People think abuse is just in the form of physically being hit. We forget that abuse can be mental and emotional. No one should do that to anyone and there is a thin line between it. If you curse someone out for how you feel about them, that is not abuse that is you completely over things with them and fed up. Now if you are cursing them out on a day to day to make them feel less of themselves, that is emotional abuse. There are people so blind to what they're doing because they are always so far up their own ass that they never know, but they do do it. It's hard to tell someone who always thinks they're right about themselves. Me? It's hard to tell me about myself because then I'll begin to pin-point all the bull shit you do too and need to know. I make it a back and forth.

No one likes to hear about themselves. It's one thing to hear and make changes, it's another thing to hear and then just go back to your old bull shit. Everyone is flawed and the hardest thing is to hear from someone that they're completely disappointed in you, especially if it's someone you deeply care for.

There's just so much that relates to abuse and how people like to completely take advantage of people. I don't like when it's done by those who claim to be your friends, that is the worst. If they're not doing it to you, trust me they're doing it to someone else. It's so easy for them to manipulate you, they're friend, imagine someone who isn't even a "friend" yet. But that's the fault of someone else for being so naive.

I keep reminding myself that I have sacrificed so much and made things happen thanks to me and my love and support system. I tell myself that you have to send that simple "I love you" and "Thank you" to those who have done nothing but held you down and helped you. Those things mean so much so you're never taking anyone for granted. I learned though that you can't expect that from everyone, especially the people who you have provided it all for and bent backwards for because those people might be too caught up in themselves.

The point of this? Just to share thoughts. If you write something and someone is offended, maybe the shoe fits. Don't change yourself for anyone, change for yourself. If anything you should just give less of yourself to someone who isn't worthy of it. It is not okay to be taken advantage of and abused. Those who matter will show you they care. They won't do it because they want something in return and want to use you in the long run. People who show you love here and there, if you feel off by it, maybe it's because they're doing it in order to get you around.

Live according to you and know that it is all an experience that you can only take it and learn from it.

#8: SmallChicksBigEats.Com

I'm so overwhelmed with all these emotions that I don't even know where to begin with this post. First and foremost, thank you to everyone who believes in this. The people who have not only spread the word, who have donated to help SmallChicksBigEats start their ventures, but the people who are loyal readers.

I've been reflecting a lot more with seeing how hard work really does show itself. People believe in those who work hard and want to make things happen. It's about never giving up and continuing to build on your dreams and goals. Two years ago this wouldn't have happened. Two years ago either I wasn't at the place or my partner at the time wasn't in the right place. It was just an idea, an outlet for food but never something that was eating at us to become reality.

Things then began to fall apart. My household was in shambles, mentally I wasn't there and I couldn't write anything. My creativity had lacked and all that came with it was put on the back burner. It wasn't until a few months after I mentioned to my new roommate, Jes, how I wanted to start getting back into it. She has a love of cooking herself and I thought her taking part in it would be good. Cooking is soul cleansing so is eating great tasting food. #SCBE became something we dabbled in from time to time, but the move to California is what did it.

California was a fresh start to life. It was a way for us to do things we couldn't have imagined ourselves doing prior. I mean....we did move all the way across country, what could stop us from there? The only thing I didn't want was someone who would half ass it. I didn't want to sit here and have to bug someone to want to take part in something that I saw so much potential in. Jes and I got our reality check once we noticed the feedback we were getting. Feedback on; our simple dishes that we put up for the sake of sharing the love we put into meals, how healthy food can be tasty, how good it feels to be able to feed yourself something other than microwavable food. We were driven by everyone who contributed and it all took hold of us from there.

There's so much more to this story but this is the basics of how SmallChicksBigEats started. All of this just shows how sometimes you have to step away from it and go back to it in order to focus your time and energy on it. It is impossible for something to be successful if you're not 100%+ in it. I am there and I am going to assume that my partner is as well, because look at all she's contributed and done thus far. It is quite amazing what can form from an idea as long as you set your mind to it.

Anyways, with all of that said I just want to thank everyone again. To the people who continue to spread the word, donate, share good vibes and continue to be my inspiration and motivation. To my immediate friends who get to taste the food and be critics. To Jes for taking this journey with me and turning it around. Most importantly, to myself for never letting all the negative chew me alive and make me think that it'll never be possible.

Remember if you believe in yourself, others will too. Hard work does not go unnoticed. Be genuine and grateful because it'll come back to you when you least expect it.

Happy eating, cooking and loving food!
- Ahlexandria

#7: Three Sundays Ago....

Simply put my girlfriend took me on a random date. Food in downtown Long Beach and Lil' Tokyo in LA. Just doing some things all for the hell of it.

Also want to thank everyone who has contribute to SmallChicksBigEats and the venture to IFBC. It means a lot to know that people are supporting Jes and myself in getting there and making #SCBE something bigger than just our love for food and food blog. If you want to see our updates check out our GoFundMe and Twitter for any up to date info.